A Girl Brother

Homework Break - "City Council News Story" Waits Patiently for My Return

2011-10-19T22:49:00.003-04:00

The homework that I am temporarily avoiding is a news article about tonight's City Council-At-Large debate. Six candidates met at IPFW's Neff Hall and debated on subjects like revamping the downtown area, Fort Wayne's debt, annexation, and why people in Indiana don't vote.

That last one was an intriguing discussion. Digging further, I discovered that Indiana ranked 48th in the country for voting turnout in 2010 (http://www.theindychannel.com/politi...66/detail.html).

One online blogger responded to this statistic by titling that day's blog entry "WE JUST SUCK."

Other than the voting issue, things never really got very heated at the debate, not that the meeting was held to entertain. I'm just having a hard time making my take on it...well...captivating. I can't even stay focused on it (besides venting, which seems to be working well). This is not an area I know much about so it's my fault and not the candidates, you know, in case they're reading this.

One guy running is only 22 years old and represents the Libertarian party. He definitely opposed government involvement where other candidates did not, but no one countered his arguments. I was hoping they would just once. It was like watching a match that won't light, only to watch the wind snuff it out once it does.

I've never been drawn to politics, but I came to this debate instead of doing a piece on the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo's "Wild Zoo Halloween" to get out of my comfort zone. It worked. Also I went because the editor of the News Sentinel is my instructor and he said it would make a great story. I listened. He would know. It's not brown-nosing if I'm just trying to become a better writer, right?

This loosened up my fingers on the keys so I'm going to get back to my news story. Shucks, I might as well copy and paste some of this stuff. So much for "ignoring my homework."

Blog Entry Postlude:

The six candidates did very well and brought a lot of good information to the table. I'm really glad I went. I would encourage everyone to learn more about their city council and city government. As one of my sources tonight said, "Everyone should go to a debate at least once in their lives. It's good to for your city and it's good to see the political process."

Happy Voting on November 8th!

Imitating the Greats

2011-10-15T17:03:00.002-04:00

IMITATING THE GREATS

By Laura Harris or L.R. Harris

Whichever you prefer.

I sit at my desk, wondering when I will stop feelinglike an imitation of a real writer. Will my words transform in my life's montage like Laney Boggs when she traded in her glasses and braids for a show-stopping red dress and new do in "She's All That"?
Will my words speak and their readersrejoice? Hey, I like that story by Laura Harris. Or should it beL. R. Harris like Mr. Lewis, Mr. Tolkien and Ms. Rowling have deemed for themselvesin published print?

There I go again trying to imitate thegreats. If they could read this, then I at least hope they’d beflattered.

Did the greats face this problem in their earlywriting days? Did a young Clive Staples Lewis look at a blank page and scribblepatches of Shakespeare and Thoreau trying to mimic their style or prose? I’monly now grappling with what prose even means.

I suppose I’ve begun a few chunky stories already,but the glaring fact remains: I’m stuck on Level 1. Looking up “cheat codes” and “short cuts”like I used to do when playing PC games hasn’t done squat. Studying the manufacturing of the craft hashelped a little. Then I recall something successful authors keep saying: You’ve just got to keep writing. That’sthe only way. I kick the dirt. “I know, I know,” I say.

It’s not all depression and woes. I let out a hoot for getting 1000 words on apage, cruddy or not.

Having the door to the office closed when Iwrite helps a lot. Stephen King taught me that in his book “OnWriting.” He said it was one of the most important writing lessonshe learned.

So I’ve got to really push my limits. I’vegot to stop waiting around for the magic nugget of an idea to burst into mymind. I’ve got to track it down, wrestle it to the floor and demandto know where it has been hiding all these years. And where it's hiding all the others. I’ll do it“Indiana Jones” style. Then it will be much more epic and I won't appear quite somenacing. Or insane.

With the office door closed behind me, the dirtydishes can't glare around the corner, the unwashed laundry is snug in itshamper down the hall, and the dust bunnies do their dance without interruption by me.

I will get to them later. I just can't let them get to me. Not with my door closed and my fingers on the keys.

CURRENT READING LIST -- JULY 2011

2011-07-05T12:37:00.000-04:00

Time to update my reading list! It's much shorter since April!

Crazy Love - By Francis Chan

The Coupon Mom's Guide To Cutting Grocery Bills in Half
by Stephanie Nelson

The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss

Brick Kiln Independence

2011-07-04T10:52:00.005-04:00

Today is July 4th. The bank is closed, so I slept in a little and then sat at my desk for a few moments to catch up my emails. While on my computer, I saw that a blog I am following posted another update.

Home of Love - India

www.homeofloveindia.blogspot.com

The blog was designed by my friends from church so that we could follow their trip to Chennai, India to an orphange called Home of Love. They are there now. I had the privilege of traveling to Chennai in 2010. It's great to see the journey continue this year.

What I want to tell you about is the awesome news I read today. This week, my friends visited IJM (International Justice Mission) and heard that 520 bonded laborers who worked at a brick kiln were freed recently by IJM and the Indian government. This took place right in Tamil Nadu! I was in Tamil Nadu, the state where these 500+ men, women and children were forced to work in brutal conditions for less than $1.00 per 1000 bricks made. It would be like people here in Fort Wayne hearing about a bunch of families in South Bend getting rescued after being forced to live at a labor camp and getting majorly ripped off and abused for years. No cars, no cell phones, no lawyers, no justice, no hope of peace.

I work in America where I can sit at my home, type this up and be paid 10 times that amount just because it's a paid holiday.

Can you identify with me?

July 4th represents our nation's freedom. The laborers who were rescued in India can understand this word freedom in a way you and I cannot. I am glad to know a God-honoring organization like IJM is out there fighting the good fight. And I am glad that my fellow believers have met with and encouraged these brave IJM workers.

CNN posted an article and video about the brick kiln raid.

http://thecnnfreedomproject.blogs.cnn.com/2011/06/29/more-than-500-slaves-rescued-from-brick-kilns/

IJM has great insights and photos from that day as well.
http://www.ijm.org/newsfromthefield/more-than-500-free-from-slavery-in-ijms-largest-operation-ever

Remember freedom. Happy Independence Day.

Dinner at the Harris Residence

2011-06-05T13:44:00.001-04:00

On June 1st, Dontae moved into our future home.

As we got him settled in that first day, we arranged a makeshift meal using what resources we had available. Since neither of us have any cookware or silverware to speak of, we had to get a little creative:

A #1 combo, no pickle, value size. An extra chicken sandwich. Dr. Pepper to drink.

The result was still a raving success.

The next evening we shared a meal together in the new apartment, we came a little more prepared. Until the wedding, Dontae will be using some temporary cookware and utensils my mother loaned to him. Now, the chicken can be grilled, the pasta can be cooked and the eggs can be scrambled!

This is the fruit of our labor as we enjoyed meal number two at the Harris residence:

A garden salad with fresh white grapes and grilled chicken macaroni casserole.

Again, a raving success.

After this delicious delicacy, we came to our next problem: no dish soap.

Oy vey.

Truth Nuggets

2011-05-30T23:20:00.000-04:00

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."

II Timothy 2:15

The last statement in that verse is so compelling. I hope always to use scripture for good but it's hard not to feel nervous about the idea of handling scripture incorrectly or knowing many others who have a much better grasp on it than me.

"I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own;
it is not for man to direct his steps."
Jeremiah 10:23

Half of me says, "Hallelujah! I'm in good hands knowing that God in his infinite wisdom will direct my steps!" Then the other half of me screams, "Wait! I didn't know he wanted to send me through there. Don't I have a say???" It's the proverbial angel and demon on my shoulders whispering their counsel into my ears. But my life is NOT my own. And thank the Lord for that.

CURRENT READING LIST -- APRIL 2011

2011-04-30T10:43:00.000-04:00

Books I am currently reading or listening to on CD:

Some of these, I am more "actively" reading than others. But I'm learning things every day and it's very encouraging for me when that happens! I project that I will be finishing "The Millionaire Next Door" first since it plays while I'm driving. Then I hope to finish "Victory of Eagles" which is book #5 in a fiction series by Naomi Novik. Dontae and I have been chipping away at "His Needs, Her Needs" since we started premarital counseling. All of these books have been enjoyable and rich sources of learning. The non-fiction teaches me about life and marriage. The fiction teaches me about writing.

If you have an awesome book your mowing through right now, let me know. I enjoy recommendations.

Wedding and Life Updates

2011-04-28T18:34:00.000-04:00

WEDDING BELLS ARE IN THE AIR!!!

That is why I have regretfully neglected my blog. So sorry. It is a good problem to have though. Getting married is a very exciting. I don't have much time to right this evening because Dontae has asked me out on a date. Can't keep him waiting...

Just letting you know that the planning is going well. We just finished our Financial Peace University class at church. Also, we have most of the major pieces of the wedding put together. Just waiting on a few more details a.k.a. the photographer, tux rentals, invitations, and so on.

Happy Spring!!

Wedding Note: January Firsts

2011-02-02T11:45:00.003-05:00

Year of Firsts

January has dazzled its way across my calendar. Excitement has splashed across its pages. I smile in reflection.

One day after the New Year celebration and two years into our dating relationship, Dontae proposed. I will always treasure when he looked at me, down on his knees, and wept. He poured out his heart, telling me how he was amazed that he found me; that God gave him the love of his life, his perfect complement. I can still hear our muffled sobs as he held onto me when I said yes. We froze in the moment taking it all in. The year of excitement was just beginning.

Within minutes of our engagement announcement, Dontae and I were flooded with text messages, emails, Facebook comments and phone calls. I knew everything from then on would be different. We were taking the first steps into our new life together.

Days later, my family and friends helped me celebrate my 24th birthday. Beautiful roses from Dontae showed up for me at work. That weekend, he and I made our way to Chicago to spend time with our friends, Anu and Shannon, and for Dontae to use his Christmas gift. He had been given a concert ticket to one of his favorite bands. Ice skating downtown, visiting some Indian cuisine and getting to know our friends better were highlights of mine.

We desire to be a blessing to each other, to God and to those around us. To have such a positive affirmation from so many friends and loved ones simply renews that effort. Thank you to everyone who has walked along side us as we have prepared for this chapter in our lives. It's insufficient to simply say "thank you", but I will start there. Dontae and I will still need you.

Over and over in scripture we are called to be united as one family.

"I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly."

-I Corinthians 1:10

"How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!"

-Psalm 133:1

As Dontae and I approach becoming a family, please pray that God would help us manage these every day challenges. I definitely don't want to find myself trapped inside of a box of wedding details swallowing me from within. Some details are harder to get through than others. We are in the process of deciding the reception location, the format of the ceremony, the food/dessert situation, the photographer, the invitations, the guest list, where we will live, honeymoon details, financial details, party favors, dresses and on and on.

So far we know the colors, who is officiating, some ceremony details, the dress, the theme and some details about the honeymoon. We have an idea of where to live and an idea on pretty much all the other details, but there is a lot of nailing down that we are trying to make happen. It's a brief snapshot of a whole lot of work, but this paints a picture for you at least.

Firsts.

There is this shiny band on my left hand. Right now I feel it move as my fingers dance on the laptop keys. Dontae and I still crack sheepish smiles when one of us uses the term "fiance". When we first met, neither of us were even thinking strongly about dating. Now here we are. For the first time, our vocabulary shifts a great deal from the pronoun "I" into the uniting pronoun "we". Some examples in the last month are:

"Our desire is to make family a priority."

"We like the idea of saving up for emergencies."

In recent days you hear:

"We are thinking of July, but haven't quite set the date."

"Do you think this shade of purple looks good on us?" Okay maybe not...

The moral of this little tale is that whether things are set in stone or still on the discussion table, we are doing them together.

It's an exciting time.

Dontae and the Extraordinary Chicken

2010-12-04T22:02:00.007-05:00

The handsome, young man on the right is my boyfriend, Dontae. Aside from his many other talents, I would just like to take a moment and express my admiration and appreciation for his amazingly talented face. This is no joke, my friends. He's got the gift. I would also like to credit the dynamic character of his hair in this picture.

Dontae was with me on a recent Christmas shopping spree. As we often do, we spent time perusing one of my favorite stores, Barnes & Noble. There is something to be said about an entire store that smells like a giant new book. Upon completion of my usual bookshelf inspections, Dontae and I headed for the checkout lane when something, rather, someone caught my eye.

The book was "Extraordinary Chickens". The cover contained an image of a chicken who spoke (more accurately, yelled) right at me with its fixed glare, extended neck and Led Zeppelin mop. A shocked laugh burst right out as I froze, mid-step. Hardly believing my eyes, I dove for the book and took him in at a closer view.

But this story is not about me. Once Dontae's eyes followed my gaze, he wasted no time in taking advantage of the situation. Rather than being a laughing spectator, like me, he joined the show. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his off-the-wall mind, for just a split second, Dontae must have thought to himself, "I wonder how well I can mimic this thing."

It was beautiful. A work of art. Something that cannot be captured in words alone. The book moved to his face and within a mere instant, I had an Asian'd, darkened, replica of the chicken.

After wiping the tears from my eyes and gasping for breath, I pleaded silently using the hand not covering my mouth that he freeze long enough for me to take a picture.

And now I am sharing it with you.

This is what eventually happens when you hang out with a natural. I don't pretend to be up to his caliber.

Dontae snapped this of me in the JCPennys in Sarasota.

Let me know if you ever want to go shopping with us. Just be prepared.

Too Good to Be True

2010-11-30T19:28:00.005-05:00

This morning I braced myself for a cold, shivery trek to the car by bundling up in my black coat and mittens. It was November, after all. When I stepped outside, however, I felt the joyous sensation of warm air on my face. A fifty degree morning was unusual for this time of year. No icy wind to bite at my nose.

Approaching my vehicle, I experienced a second elation almost immediately. No ice lay on the Elantra's windshield! My library card would be safe and snug in my wallet. I have a scraper. I'm just too lazy to dig it out of my trunk.

This morning was too good to be true. November 30th. Who'd have thought?

Situational joy only survives as long as the joyful situation. I had situational joy this morning. Sadly, by mid-afternoon, reality reared its big, ugly head. It's November. Old man winter had had enough of this Indian summer. He moved in with a vengeance, blocking the sun with a thick blanket of gray clouds. The temperature plunged 12 degrees within an hour.

Now add wind. Any direction. Keep adding.

5:00 pm. Current Weather: Heavy gusts of wind, freezing temperatures, snow in forecast.

Indiana, thou art a cruel mistress.

What I Concluded

2010-10-24T23:03:00.000-04:00

Sitting at my computer...after a long, stress-filled, and emotional week or three...I came to a realization:

When it boils down to it...I am actually pretty happy.

It's just that sometimes I forget.

Top Language Challenge

2010-10-11T13:09:00.009-04:00

TOP FIVE LANGUAGES

(Fiction or Real)

Aaron has issued his second challenge to me. This one, following "Top Superhero Challenge" is a similar style only this time I must list the top five languages (real or not). Still one sentence! So here goes.

5. Elvish. A man by the name of Tolkien sat down one day with pipe in hand, and created a beautiful and purely fictional language for the Elvish people in his story "The Lord of the Rings".

4. Pig Latin. Ooklay, ouyay owknay anday eakspay away econdsay anguagelay!

3. Greek. I have a great appreciation for a language that aspires to define the all-encompassing subject of "love" by using not one word but four:

- Storge - Affection

- Phileo - Friendship

- Eros - Sensuality

- Agape - Charity

2. Klingon. Brothers of phlegm, hefty weaponry and questionable hygiene unite!

AND LASTLY!!

1. JAMES EARL JONES! Not a language, you say? To that I say English (or any other language) spoken by the velvety smoothness that ONLY Mr. Earl Jones is capable of far surpasses that of any other human being to date.

Why has he not been knighted yet?

I'm beyond my one-sentence limit, but it needed to be said.

There you have it. Tune in next time when things may or may not continue to be as steadily (and readily) crazy as they have been thus far!

Fitting

2010-10-06T12:12:00.007-04:00

Fall begins a new year. In a sense. See, ever since I was the age of five, I entered into a new season of schooling right around this time of year. Elementary school, junior and senior high school, and college have spanned a large percentage of life on God's green earth for me. Beginning a new year in the fall is almost all I have ever known. There is that element of excitement like when mom got those new sneakers for you. Or when your older cousin outgrew that pair of Nikes you've had an eye on since Christmas, which is just as good.

Strangely enough in my own mind, it is already October. For two months I have been craving a beginning; however, I am not enrolled in school at this time. After high school graduation in 2005, my schedule did a rollover straight into full-time college. IPFW had its depressing moments for an aspiring youth who wants her professors to know her name and actually smile once in a while.

So I was able to transfer to Rosedale Bible College in 2006. For six weeks, I had a life changing, radical but very welcome alteration to my routine. It was at Rosedale that this very blog you are reading first began. There, my world consisted of small, tight-knit classes, daily doses of music, biblical studies, laughter and homework, and a constant atmosphere of peers who knew my name and actually cared about me. This was such a great experience. Sadly the small bible college's credits from the semester did not transfer when I came to finish school back home again at the "gloriously personable" university.

This leads me to what I have a hankering to do. I would like to issue myself a challenge. Even though I am proclaiming this in public format such as the internet and not the private confines of my journal or internal thoughts, this is by no means set in stone. Still the idea burns within.

This summer I watched a movie based on a true story, and it left me inspired. It is called Julie & Julia. The only part applicable to this post is that Julie decides to blog about a challenge she sets for herself. She decrees that she will cook every dish (over 500 recipes) in Julia Child's cookbook in 365 days. Along with that, she blogs about her experience.

An acquaintance in Florida is currently taking a picture each day and posting it on his Facebook account for 365 days. This draws me in and naturally paints a picture of his daily life with family, work, and friends. What a neat idea.

So what can I do to challenge myself? I am enraptured by the thought of doing something each day for 365 days. Also, it needs to be towards a goal. I desire to be a better writer. This demands practice. Moreover it demands continual attention, I mean getting radical. The great violinists allow their lives to be enveloped by pursuit of this instrument. What is the end result? Excellence. Songs that bring me to tears. Accomplishment. Success. I don't mean monetary success, for myself, I simply mean the ability to look at a goal, chase after it, wrestle it to the ground and be declared champion.

What shall I set as my goal?

Top Superhero Challenge

2010-09-29T12:40:00.007-04:00

Aaron this is for you.

My brother, in all his wonderfulness, has issued me a challenge. I cannot and will not refuse him. It is to be a writing exercise. Here are his terms:

"Name for me the top ten superpowers (as in skills, not USA, USSR, China, etc...). Add a single sentence explanation to each one. References to fictional characters may be helpful. However, your answers need not be limited to comic book characters.

15 min Firm Time Limit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Oooo, this is too good to pass up. Okay, I have to think... The time is 12:44. Let's make this thing happen!

10. Superman. An ego trip could certainly arise from a title like that, but Superman is much catchier than Don't Get That Green Stuff Near Me Man.

9. Batman. Meet a trust fund baby with attitude, gadgets and a sweet ride.

8. Animal. Known superpowers: drumming with his face and massive eyebrow raising.

7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This is the quintessential of irony when pizza, a sewer, some turtles and a rat bring on the super ninja moves!

6. Chun Li. How did her hair stay up in those Princess Leia buns when she did that helicopter move anyway?

5. PMS Avenger. She only works once a month, and no, the Mystery Men are not hiring.

4. Jackie Chan/Jet Li. Self-explanatory.

3. Spiderman. Might I say how nice it is to know a kick-butt super hero doesn't have to be the size and structure of a Ford F150?

2. Jedi Knight. Arguably not fiction.

DRUM ROLLLLLLLLLL.......................................

1. The TICK!! All parasites desiring to be as astronomically cool as the Tick, I have one word for you: SPOOOOOON!!!

Time: 12:59. Whew!!!!!! Thanks Aaron. :) Most everything written was specifically to make you laugh...so I imagine anyone else who reads them will have some pretty confused looks. hehe

Any others you would add?

Renewed Efforts

2010-09-21T11:39:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm not 100% yet but I'm definitely back on the slow climb. On lunch right now enjoying the quiet atmosphere of the local library as I often do. The other tellers and my manager have helped me find one of the less critical errors on my vault totals, but despite our best efforts, we cannot find my other drawer balance discrepancies. It is really great to have their help right now. Still have four hours. I know it's in there.

The extra sleep last night helped to renew my efforts today. Then I promptly rushed off to a class at a different office that is not happening til tomorrow. Oops. :P

My heart doesn't feel so - dare I say it - hopeless today. Monday was a low. And I still feel raked over the coals mentally and a bit physically, but it IS a new day and IS absolutely beautiful outside. The sun is shining and the sky is blue and people are smiling. Someone out there is having the best day of his or her life. Not possible on a Tuesday, you say? Ah, I beg to differ. Anything is possible.

...it is Tuesday today, right?

Betrayed by a Monday

2010-09-20T20:40:00.005-04:00

Just to get this out of my system, this Monday of Mondays has been a terrible, rotten, no good, very bad day. Something has got to give. I am more spent than I have been in many, many days. It's not yet nine in the evening and I'm a collapsed heap in my bed and I don't believe I will stir til morn. I know not to sweat the small stuff, but this is really big and ugly right now. It will be small in time, but right now it just. Plain. Stinks.

Here's to sunnier days.

Vigil Thoughts & Prayers

2010-09-19T14:55:00.008-04:00

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul..."

-Psalm 25:1

This weekend, my church had a 24-hour prayer vigil. People were invited to sign up for one hour of prayer so that we could maintain a continual prayer chain for 24 hours. This meant that people had to be there praying at 2 or 3 am.

We were challenged to consider a time that would push us and get us out of our comfort level. Biblical obedience never mentions anything about an easy way out.

A prayer vigil is a discipline of vigilance or "wakefulness" that a group maintains for a period of time. What a great opportunity for unity through sacrifice amongst the body of believers.

By the time I reached the sign up sheet the week before, all but a few hour slots were filled up. I saw that people were not too keen on giving up their Saturday afternoon hours. This was intriguing to me. I then realized that I was gouging out a rather hefty chunk of my free time by signing up for one of them. Ouch. But I knew it was right and that I needed to feel it in order to be fully obedient.

So I signed my name for praying on Saturday, September 18 from 2:00pm to 3:00pm.

I would now like to share the thoughts, feelings and prayers I had during my hour yesterday. I would not be on here typing this if I didn't think God effectively uses us to spread his good news and glory in all we say and do. May he be praised in what I shared with him. From my heart.

I decided to pray over the requests given by others in the church. These were written on small pieces of canvas during previous times of worship. They now lay on the altar as a sacrifice. As I read them and prayed over each one, these quotes stayed with me:

"Replenish me with your spirit."

"Flood over me like a river, O God."

"Every good and perfect gift comes from you."

"Lord I ask these things for your Glory."

I thought to myself how so many prayers were from people who were on "empty". This was my prayer: Please God tell them there is hope. Tell them they are going to make it! May this glorify your name.

And as I knelt by the altar, I lifted up these words to God over and over:

This hour is bigger than just me. So much bigger. What God can do with an obedient heart is great. The focus is not the obedient heart but always God. I pray for these brothers and sisters, I lift up seekers, I cry for the orphans, but not to feel my own spiritual growth. This sacrifice is small but nevertheless it is one step. God's kingdom be magnified. May these words reach heaven's ears like a sweet melody of worship.

Mold me and use me as you have God. Even if I may not obtain my dreams in this earthly existence. Even if I must deny these treasures. Even if I must deny...

A long and sappy marriage without brokenness, a comfortable living with many sunny days, a title of renowned and beloved authoress, beautiful and healthy children who have their daddy's smile and my sense of awe for the things around me, a life without owing others, a life without tragedy...

Were I to be denied these things, I know there are still many treasures to be obtained if I just take the time to see...

A true and pure witness by example, word and deed, Your steadfast and eternal love, a world around me willing to listen to you, a church willing to unify its believers to fight the good fight, to rescue the oppressed, love the orphans, cherish the widows and to feed this world with the LOVE and HOPE of Christ Jesus.

I am anxious to hear what God revealed to others in those 24 hours.

Chasing A Change of Pace

2010-07-24T14:53:00.007-04:00

To be severely set in your ways is to be a still frame in the YouTube video of life.

When I go to Fazoli's, it is always ravioli with alfredo sauce, at Subway it is turkey with all the green veggies, and at Cracker Barrel my sides are always mac and cheese with baby carrots. I have a glass of ice water every night before bed, I paint my nails left to right, I stretch before exercising right to left, and I have used the same plain black on black template for my online journal known as www.girlbrotherstoll.blogspot.com for four years.

To break from routine, I have finally given my blog a candid makeover. My words and topics and activities have morphed so greatly in these last years that it's no wonder I haven't done it sooner.

In making this change, I hope to launch new blog entries on new topics never visited. My life was just rocked when I went to an orphanage in India two weeks ago, I have been a member of a writer's guild for the greater part of a year and have much to share, the job I am in has me taking on new and amazing challenges all the time, the beautiful family God has blessed me with is growing constantly and has increased nephew by nephew, the man I love smiles and sings his heart out and wants to marry me, I learned to ride a motorcycle, God and I have had enlightening and empowering heart to hearts.

My soul is soothed and lulled gently by the orchestral works of Williams, Zimmer, and Horner on pandora.com. These notes of music that are strewn together in woven crescendos, epic themes, and hushed, delicate movements inspire me and make me feel alive.

My God is a big God. I pray to Him and I still fall short. My heart is open and my mind is actively racing. I am finding friends. I am finding my voice. I am seeking purpose. I play the piano. This is who I am.

And right now I am listening to the theme from "Road to Perdition" composed by Thomas Newman.

Writing Exercise - Tangible/Intangible Combos

2010-07-22T23:38:00.004-04:00

List tangible nouns (i.e. tunnel, ice cube, arrow, spaghetti) and intangible nouns (i.e. doubt, hunger, courage, flight). Match up the tangible and intangible in a phrase (i.e. a tunnel of doubt, the ice cube of hunger).

Explore the possible combinations.

Tangible Nouns:

reef, onion, snowman, blanket, tractor-trailer, bubblegum wrapper, site, ignition switch, lily pad, straw, vault, ball, slipper, license, condo

Intangible Nouns:

fear, angst, passion, confidence, ire, irony, stoicism, brevity, loveliness, pride, wit

Chosen Combinations:

A blanket of passion

The last straw of brevity

A vault of pride

A ball of wit

A license to fear

The stoic onion

His reef of angst

The prideful lily pad

An ignition switch of loveliness

Site of confidence

Combinations selected at random:

The bubblegum wrapper of loveliness

A snowman in angst

A tractor-trailer of confidence

The ball of stoicism

The vault of wit

A condo of brevity

A slipper in fear

In reviewing my outcome, I believe the combinations assembled at random are more moving and exploratory than the ones I constructed myself. This is an enlightening turn of events...

Writers' Guild Exercise - A First

2010-06-08T22:36:00.003-04:00

Group Exercise: 6 - 8 - 10, 15 minute time limit

Share about a first-time experience (i.e. first roller coaster, first bicycle, first kiss, first drive). Written in any style/format. Include descriptions involving each of the 5 senses.

*************************

The grand admiral of all airplanes awaited my arrival at the Chicago O'Hare Airport. Its exact dimensions, style of wing, engines, and seating capacity were told to me by my brother. Adam was the oldest having just turned 21 and was taking his 8th grade kid sister with him.

Seeing the plane outside of our departure gate left me speechless. The sun glinted off its massive round barrel and vapors rose off the surrounding pavement.

I curled my hands around seat 22A and smelled the synthetics in the luggage and seat covers around me. A young mother with a cotton purple top and jeans was arranging her blonde toddlers seat seemingly to the child's liking. Oncoming passengers were chatting quietly before the engine in the Boeing 747-400 began its rumble.

Something in me came alive that day. Adam's eyebrows remained arched in excitement as he spoke to me of our upcoming flight. His hands made airplane simulators as he described anything and everything about air travel. Being there to travel so far away on my first big trip made me feel like a kid and a grown up all at the same time.

Needless to say, no one else in the plane seemed as excited as us about this flight. I could not understand why. Didn't they realize we were about to leave the ground and fly? I could almost taste the clouds!

Words were spoken in flight attendant jargon but I was listening to something else. The pilot was starting the engine. The great beast wisped a high pitched whistle and slowly I began to feel it deep in the belly of the plane. My gaze out the oval window confirmed my thought: we were moving.

A taxi to the runway and a few hundred heartbeats later, our plane was poised for takeoff. I swallowed just before the inertia drove my tongue down on the flat of my mouth. Pressure from inside pinned me against my seat. With head pressed back, I moved just my eyes to seat 22B. My brother's eyes were closed and a soft smile rested on his face.

The speed and power of the massive machine we sat in thrust us faster and faster down the runway. Adam and I both instinctively gazed at the earth as it sped by and then began to fall away from our view as our stomachs spun at lift off.

Europe was to receive two visitors in T-minus eight hours and counting.

Writers' Guild Exercise - Epitaph

2010-06-08T22:31:00.002-04:00

Group Exercise: 6 - 1 - 10, 5 minute time limit

Write your own epitaph. What do you want people to remember about you when you die? What should be on your tombstone?

My Epitaph

A good laugh should never be squelched.
Love is never to be held back.
When in doubt, pray again.
Mother's soup is a healer of ailments.
Go to the local fair.
Get to know your neighbors.
Practice what Jesus preached.

Florida Writings - That First Sunday

2010-03-20T22:35:00.008-04:00

~On the first Sunday of grandma's homecoming, Glen took her to church. Being weak and terminally ill, I didn't feel she was a good candidate for being out that long, but she did want to go. These judgment calls felt so new and foreign. They became daily factors in my routine with grandma in the weeks and months ahead. Mom and I also attended grandma and Glen's church that first week.

Members of the congregation and lifelong friends of Glen welcomed grandma back with open arms. Some stood in dismay that she was there. Most concealed their shock with warm, even exclamatory smiles. I imagine there were a few who were happy enough to see her, but simply didn't know what to say so they remained at a distance. I have been there.

Grandma wore a pink dress and sweater that her daughter Rose purchased when she was in the home. After the fall three weeks before, grandma's right arm was still rendered useless. She cradled it as we wheeled her around that Sunday morning. A large bald spot on the side of her head had began filling in since the radiation treatments. It being my first week, I did not know much about fixing her hair properly, but she really did not mind. The people lit up her world. Her weakened smile was seen by anyone who came to greet her. Almost everyone took her good hand in both of theirs, leaned down, and smiled. Many paused for the right words. Their body language spoke volumes to me.

These people had seen grandma go through her worst. Many of them had no doubt prepared themselves for news that she had passed. Now she was back. Who was to say God would not take her that very night? We were all without answers.

I began considering my possible future in Sarasota. Was this really to be home? If so, what should I start doing on my time off? Should I begin looking for a church? How do I do that? Here's a big one: How on earth am I going to find friends? Should I even unpack fully? What if she passed in this first month? There were just so many things I did not know.

It is amazing what you can learn in those moments. Looking back, I would not trade those unknowns for the world.~

Just Suppose

2010-01-24T22:06:00.008-05:00

Suppose you grew up in a cozy, little parsonage with three older brothers, a mother and a father.

Suppose glasses, mother's piano, and poodles were permanent fixtures in your young life.

Suppose your feet turned in a bit when you walked and you had a fetish for spelling.

Suppose you listened to the Beach Boys when the other girls listened to 'N Sync and Spice Girls.

Suppose being the smallest kid in class wasn't as big of a deal as they said it could be.

I would suppose you'd be a lot like me when I was a child.

Suppose you actually liked school and that sentimental heart of yours broke at graduation.

Suppose you liked someone. Suppose he liked you back.

Suppose all it took to make you happy were a couple stolen bases and a good hit on game day.

Suppose you learned that God would use you for His Kingdom.

Suppose you found your voice on the stage and loved it!

Just suppose...

I suppose you'd be a lot like me when I was a teenager.

Suppose you found yourself in college.

Suppose...just suppose...you bought your first car and your dad painted the engine block your favorite color.

Suppose you still felt like a little kid when you started budgeting and paying bills.

Suppose you had your heart broken...so you got a dog.

Suppose you did a difficult thing when no one else could.

I suppose you'd be a lot like me when I became an adult.

Suppose you dared to chase down your dreams and live them.

Suppose watching someone die a little each day changed your view on the everyday things.

Suppose you fell for a guitar player who climbed trees and played Mario Kart with you.

Suppose your rescued soul and your beautiful family were your two most valuable possessions.

Suppose you still listened to the Beach Boys.

I suppose you'd be a lot like me, today.

By: laura

Written: 1-24-10

Down to the Wire

2009-12-07T13:38:00.000-05:00

Two days left until my final portfolio is due.

AHHHH!!!

Opening Paragraph Exercise

2009-11-28T18:04:00.002-05:00

Here is a sampling of an opening paragraph in my final portfolio. I put it on here because I have been working on these this semester. I tried to choose a captivating first sentence that was supported by but different than the second sentence. The paragraph needed to be rather brief, but it needed to setup the story.

"It always made her think of music. Like the song her mother hummed as she did her sewing. Or the hymns her grandfather sang when he worked in the fields. Or the tune of the morning doves high in the poplar trees. It was the story her father had written for her. When she thought of it, time seemed to fade, to float along matching these melodies. She was in a moment such as this."

-"Her Favorite Story" by Laura Stoll

Sadie (Revised)

2009-11-09T18:07:00.007-05:00

So much for making the bed today. Sadie shrugged off her leather satchel and coat next to the mahogany nightstand. She stepped over a pile of clean laundry and headed for the closet. Her little apartment on the 3^rd floor was quaint. Small, but quaint. The perfect fit for her.

Sadie was not much taller than the majority of her 6^th grade students down at Easton Elementary. This was her third year there. Though she had a youthful face, she dressed like an adult and acted that way when she knew she had to. She was ecstatic when her feminine curves finally came in but had given up on the idea of a growth spurt.

Sadie Alice McGee, now in her late twenties, had the world on a string. Life was great, her job was great, her class was great, her apartment was great, even the squeaky cabinets and noisy microwave in her kitchen were great.

She smirked at the thought of her ridiculous microwave and the tune it rumbled every time someone used it. A close comparison would be a baritone section at full volume with lots of growl, a very unsteady rhythm section and Lloyd Christmas from Dumb & Dumber bellowing “the most annoying sound in the world” through a microphone.

She blew out a sigh which sent a lock of hair flying. Sadie’s fair skin and peppered freckles fully complemented her bright red curls. The hair was her most striking feature. Some days she would wake up with what she called her “Miss Frizzle Hair”, coined from the early days of watching and reading The Magic School Bus. It twisted and turned and curled and frizzed and most anything else one might imagine.

Sadie knew that she was unique. Looking in the mirror was no small thing. Each morning she waited to see who she would be that day. No transformation was the same.

Some mornings, her droopy, half asleep self would shuffle over to the bathroom and, once her vision would clear enough, she would see what the night’s sleep had done. A screech inevitably followed and after that, a pair of moans. One disgruntled moan came in the form of a growl from Sadie as she made a face and put her fingers in her hair in an attempt to strike a deal. The other came from her bedroom corner, next to her laundry hamper. There on a rug would be a 95 pound dog, curled up and moaning softly. Surviving the shriek attack moments before and realizing it was just Sadie looking in the mirror, again, left Bojangles unnerved and groggy. His fuzzy rug was far too comfortable and he had worked far too hard warming it up to move. So he would just plop his head back down and moan as he tried to fall back asleep. It really was too bad that Bojangles had to start so many of his mornings in sheer terror and alarm. But then again, so did Sadie.

Miss McGee had arguably the most beautiful red hair in the whole school, or so she had been told. Despite what misery may be brought with a crazy mane like hers, she wore it well and her bright, cheery disposition only solidified her beauty.

Sadie reached her closet and pulled down the string for the light. One of the very few routines in her life occurred at the moment she reached her bedroom closet after the school day. The work shoes came off and the fuzzy house slippers came on. True “Mr. Rogers” style. Even though she was still in her twenties, she had inherited her grandmother’s high arches and had no trouble remembering to throw on some slippers and kick her sore feet up each day.

Her few other habits included: eating ice cream when grading final exams, listening to Amy Grant CDs at Christmas, and peeling bananas upside down. It was trick she learned in high school to keep them from bruising at the top.

Sadie, after rummaging through the cupboard for something to eat, finally burrowed into her love seat, taking up a fifth of the seating space. She saw Bojangles mosey her way. The nine-year-old shepherd stepped up on the sofa, turned three times causing her to duck as his massive tail came swinging towards her face. He wagged it eagerly as he committed to a spot and laid down, taking up the other four-fifths of seating space.

Tonight, it was to be a Mark Wahlberg marathon and a variety of energy drinks as needed. Her mother was right, they were bad for her system, but Sadie was so behind on her grading and had to get caught up before Christmas Break aka next week.

A soft huff came from Sadie’s sprawled out legwarmer. Bojangles was soon to be snuffing and growling in his sleep as he chased imaginary squirrels and scared off invisible bad guys. Her little fingers scratched his scruffy, oversized ears. He was a good dog.

Being careful not to disturb sleeping beauty, Sadie leaned over to grab her remote and start the movie. She opened her notebook while the DVD loaded. Grabbing the first report she saw, she flipped through it briefly. Kelsie Collins. Sadie’s eyes brightened. This was a very promising student. She looked forward to reading what Kelsie wrote. The class project was to write a report on Abraham Lincoln.

The assignment was due yesterday though and Kelsie turned it in today. Sadie knew this was not the first time and that it would have to reflect on Kelsie’s grade. What could she do to help these students turn in their projects on time? The answer was simple. Ultimately, it was up to them. Sadie sympathized. High school and college were rough for her too, especially being with other elementary education majors. They were so routine, so perfect. They were robots, always turning everything in on time, chinking their steel frames down the hallway as they marched in rhythm, the rhythm of the elementary school teacher. They practiced writing out schedules and filling out day planners just for fun. How could that possibly be fun?

Miss Frizzle didn’t have a day planner. Sadie was sure of it. Everybody loved Miss Frizzle.

Seeing the menu screen displayed on her television, Sadie scooped up the remote and selected play. Scrounging through her pen caddy on the end table, Sadie pulled out a red pen for grading. Finding a corner of blank space in her notebook, she scribbled down a couple days of watching “The Magic School Bus” in class after exams. The kids might be little old for it, but who doesn’t like watching a movie during class time? She scribbled a couple more notes on the idea before resuming her grading.

Despite Sadie’s admittedly irresponsible and somewhat rebellious attitude towards day planners, she really did need to think about getting one someday instead of scribbling random notes on all the corners of her blank notebook paper. Someday.

For now, Sadie’s world was President Lincoln, Kelsie from 6A, Red Bull, the Wahlberg Extraordinaire, fuzzy slippers, and her faithful, four-legged companion draped across her love seat.

::Insert creative title here::

2009-10-31T13:49:00.003-04:00

Im frustrated and don't know what to write.

Frustrated frustrated frustrated!!!

Abigail

2009-09-15T09:41:00.004-04:00

A short work of fiction.

By Laura Stoll

Written 9 - 9 - 09

A dusty book dwells on her shelf. Pages yellow, crispy. Unread and forgotten. Hand-tipped illustrations. Young, delicate Abigail peers with bright eyes at a maroon book with golden trim.

Who wrote this story? What tale was being told? Little Abigail is captivated by the golden glow. She blinks, feels something, a change. Looking down sees the hands before her holding this book. Her hands. They have aged along with her suddenly weary body. An old woman she has become, the fine lines of wisdom and age carved in her face. Dawn is now dusk and Abigail steals away the moonlit night, tucked in by a fireplace, reading these words again, grasping these delicate pages. Still as charming as ever, she thinks to herself as her mind takes in the favored passages. A bright hue of sunlight plays across her gentle face as she draws the open book to her and inhales the scent deeply.

Breaking open to the first page, young Abigail reads the author's first words:

"To you, I write my soul."

Tall and slender Abigail stands. She has the rosy complexion of a woman in love. Indeed she is in love. Grasping the literature close, she breathes in again, blinks and feels the weight of age break from her like the melting of winter snow.

Beautiful Abigail is young once more. Womanhood has graced her with the face of an angel and the movement of a dancer. No wrinkles of time spread at her temples as she allows a delicate smile to form. Life is beautiful; this she knows. She allows a gentle stir of her fingers across the lines of her cherished book and her heart feels listless. Someone has given her the key to his heart. It is his words, this book, and they are for her! Warmth fills her soul and she can contain her excitement no more. Oh what love! What love!

The fireplace still reflects its bright flames in her hazel eyes as she gazes at her beautiful book. Time eases by once more as she steps toward her table and peers at the collection of written works lying in an array. Blue, green, golden, white. Such stories, such souls! These are her children! Abigail's eyes well with tears as she takes in the sight. Such marvelous works. The light hint of silver flowing in her bronze hair glitters in the firelight. She has raised a beautiful family.

Still holding her beloved maroon book, Abigail, strong and brave with love in her heart and joy that covers a lifetime sets it in its home to dwell again. A dusty shelf, high and just barely in her reach. The child's eyes smile as she lets her fingers trail down the tall binding.

Sadie

2009-08-29T23:27:00.010-04:00

A bit of fiction
By Laura Stoll
Written 8-26-09

Based loosely on the truth, goings on, and general happenings of my life:

So much for making the bed today. Sadie had walked through the door of her one bedroom apartment fully intending on heading straight for the bed to study; however, after she got in her room she realized the bed had been neglected this morning before class. Again.

Sadie returned to the kitchen and decided to prepare a little study snack. After scrounging around the kitchen for a few minutes, she prepared her meal and loaded up. Now her arms were full carrying a cup of hot chai she had picked up on the way home, a few school books, her bookbag slung over one shoulder causing her to continually correct her walking as she tended to drift to one side, and an ear of reheated corn on the cob on a plate. Corn on the cob was not designed to be transported on a flat, round surface so it demanded her utmost attention just to keep it from rolling off the side. It was unfortunate that the sweet corn wasn't from her mother's garden, merely a quick pick-up at the supermarket.

After emptying her arms of its contents and placing then in her alternate study spot, the floor, she headed toward the disheveled bed sheets. As she worked, Sadie realized her four-legged, furry companion had followed his nose toward her supper and was closing in for a much desired sampling.

"Bojangles, no," she commanded with a gentle voice of correction. It didn't take much to convince the nine year old shepherd of the wrong he knew he was doing. He was hopelessly predictable and the biggest push-over she knew.

"Come here, boy." With a cue of her open, extended hand, old Bo folded back his ears in submission and shuffled over to his little master. The dog gave her hand a good sniff and looked up to meet her gaze with eyes that said, "Can you blame me for trying?"

Soon after, the bed was made but Sadie knew her food was getting cold. With a plop to the floor, her decision was made. Tonight the studying would be on the floor. The food was there anyway. This was perhaps a new low on her list of lazy decisions she had made. She couldn't be sure.

Bojangles moved over to Sadie's side lying down with his long brown snout nonchalantly placed an inch from her plate of food. What innocence. She smiled and scratched his right ear then reached for her cup of chai tea. Sadie was glad for the company. Being a young woman and living alone in the city could get pretty lonely sometimes, and frightening. Having Bo made her feel safe even if he did love her for the free food.

Studying for the first time this semester made Sadie surprisingly nervous. It was just one class. And all she had to do was read. What was so difficult about that? At 25, she felt herself a stone's throw away from the comfortable flow of her generation. Her toes curled into the soft threads of the dark brown carpet as she munched her way across the corn on the cob, one row at a time, of course.

The sweet corn sure was good this season. It is one thing she appreciated about growing up in the country where her mother and father still maintained a bountiful garden full of so many familiar smells, tastes, memories. She had to get out of the city and visit them more often.

The thought of seasons brought Sadie's attention back to her studies. What was a 25-year-old doing still in her second year of college? Most of her old classmates and friends were settling into careers or finishing graduate school. She had just attended her own baby brother's college graduation. How did that make any sense?

Caleb had decided to join the Marine Corps his junior year of high school. Seeing the option of being an officer after obtaining his degree, he decided to start college while he was a senior. Never wavered. Never looked back. What a crazy, determined kid he had been.

Quite simply, her little brother knew what he wanted. Did she? At 21, Caleb graduated with a bachelor's degree, packed up, and shipped out to Virginia to become an officer, catching the coat tail of his dreams. Sadie knew he was happy. She was thrilled for him. No sister in the world could be prouder, she had said. He had made everyone proud.

A soft huff came from her sprawled out, oversized legwarmer. Bojangles was soon to be snuffing and growling in his sleep as he chased imaginary squirrels and scared off invisible bad guys. Yeah, he was a good dog. She put her finished corn cob on the plate knowing full well she would end up giving it to him to chew up when he awoke. It was the look in his eyes that always won her over eventually. She was such a softy.

Being careful not to disturb sleeping beauty, Sadie leaned over to her nightstand to fish out her ipod and headphones. Finding a classical playlist she had assembled, she put in her earphones, pressed play, and nestled down with the first of her school books.

Now, what was that homework assignment again?

Test of Self

2009-08-01T21:07:00.002-04:00

It is quite possible that I am too much of a perfectionist to be a writer. I have done the first part of my test in this theory by signing up for a fiction writing class for the fall. My second and more difficult task will be giving the semester class a solid runthrough. A "college try" as they say. I am paying the $700.00 out of pocket for this investment and I intend to see it through.

Do you hear me, Self? I do!

So will I recoil at the first stumbling block along the way? Will I hold out for JUST the right story causing me to miss out on all the others I have inside waiting? Just because I will presume that they do not measure up? Or will I just cut loose? Have at it? All valid questions. All possibilities. Which will I choose?

Aaron thinks mom, dad and I should have a race to see who gets published first. An interesting notion, indeed. We are a rather competitive family.

I am still searching for a genre, however. Should I write fiction or nonfiction? Should I write about my family? The heritage in this area where I live? History in general? Fantasy fiction? Sci-fi? Ha! :P You think I am joking...

Hobby

2009-07-22T16:30:00.000-04:00

So I kind of want to pick up a new hobby. Is that weird? I don't even know what, that's the thing. Maybe I am just craving knowledge. My mind wants to learn. Hmm...could do knitting, quilting, photography...eh...maybe not photography. Could get back into scrapbooking.

Or back into writing.

So Here's the Deal

2009-06-15T22:32:00.002-04:00

I am coming out of my blogger's block......finally. Every time I would think of my blog and try to write something, everything inside of me just went blank. It was a very sad thing. I am sorry for not updating sooner. I don't really have anything incredible to write. But I did want to show that I am still alive and that I still want to keep it up.

One might say "girlbrotherstoll blog" went through a sort of...hibernation. But I am here, indeed it is true! I will search out new rants to rave, new webs to weave, and will continue the ongoing pursuit of a general explanation and look into my crazy, slightly odd, perhaps at times a bit outlandish, but never dull existence.

Check back with me soon!

10 Days

2009-03-29T15:19:00.004-04:00

I'm sad. They just gave grandma ten days to live. And this time...I know it's the real thing.

No one knew for sure up to this point, thinking it could be months, weeks, days. Now, the symptoms are clear. We haven't got much time. But what are we trying to hold onto? Grandma is ready to go. She knows she is going to heaven to be with Jesus in perfect peace for eternity. Her body is almost constantly in pain, bombarded with cancer aching deep in her bones. She has no appetite and no desire to get up, sleep is her only comfort now. Who would want to linger in a condition like that?

Though I do feel sadness at the thought of losing a person I love so much and who has been my constant and closest companion for the past year and a half down here in Florida, I am also relieved to know that she will FINALLY be FREE!!! Thank You God for hope! What would we do without Your promise to make us new and to take us to be with You forever? Where would we be? How could we endure? But grandma doesn't have to think about any of that because she knows that we DO have Your promise and You ARE taking those who have a relationship with You up into heaven for eternity. Why dwell on anything else???

It's such good news! Grandma's time is finally almost here! How I will miss her and how I will hurt for her children, husband, and closest friends as they adjust without her among them, but at least we know that she will not be hurting anymore. What a great thing. It hasn't hit me yet...the impact of what is soon to come. Perhaps it won't until the moment it happens. Perhaps it will in 5 minutes. Tears come when they feel it is their time. And so I will wait for them. Until then, I will care for my grandma as I have done, for as long as she needs me. And I will hold onto God's promise, that He will take care of my grandma and won't let her hurt anymore. I have to. It's the only thing that keeps me from running from everyone and everything and crawling into a dark hole until it's over. But my work isn't finished...and there is someone who still needs me.

Better sign off and go check on her.

2009-03-07T10:00:00.003-05:00

Blessed

The morning sun

is the catalyst

To the uplifting brightness

of my day

The midday breeze

does its dance

An invisible rendition to nature's

beautiful, inaudible melody

The afternoon rain

makes things new

Brings along another chance

to be healthy, nourished, refreshed

The evening calm

closes my day

Tucks in the sun

and draws out a captivating twilight

Laura Stoll

3 - 7 - 09

Valley

2009-02-11T10:27:00.008-05:00

I am Strong

Most of the time

But when I am not

Fear grips me

And won't let go

It is my valley

A poison

That weakens my heart

My mind

My soul

My strength

The very things

I promised to You

Oh LORD, if my trust in You

Falls short

Grows thin

Gives out

Right before Your eyes

How deep would Your heart break?

How much sorrow

Would You endure?

I am seeking

For You, Oh LORD.

It's not that

You left.

How'd I get

So far over here?...

I'm sorry.

Help.

1~9~09

Early Writings II

2009-01-12T13:40:00.002-05:00

Be Happy

By: Laura Stoll

Age: 9

For every breath
There is a life

For every life
There is a name

For every name
There is a shadow

For every shadow
There is an owner

For every owner
There is a god

For the God
There is peacefulness

For all the peacefulness
There is happiness

Be happy.

Early Writings I

2009-01-08T12:38:00.010-05:00

To Be A Sloth

by: Laura Rose Stoll

age: 10

To be a sloth, what a glorious trade.

To mope around,

Without a sound.

To climb a tree,

Free as can be.

Yes, it would truly meet my aid.

If God could grant such a request.

Have three long toes,

Per foot as it shows.

And mope, mope, mope,

Strong now with hope.

I would not fail yet live at my best.

My life now at ease I can sit and relax.

Talk to a tree frog,

We rest on a log.

And stress, I'd have none,

Just joy by the ton.

Now I am glad to deliver the facts.

A Little Bit of Me

2008-12-03T23:30:00.012-05:00

A friend of mine recently asked me to tell him my favorite childhood memory. Being put on the spot, I did my best to scan the vast array of crazy, fun-filled memories through the years, as quickly as I could, searching for that one bright, shining moment that surpassed all others. One that would meet my listener's expectations...aka what i assumed were his expectations...okay it's enough to say that I shouldn't have even assumed he had any expectations. But I just do that.

Choosing a story was a difficult thing to do. So many fun times. But...an audience was before me, waiting for me to come through. To deliver my tale. An epic tale? Well, perhaps. Every tale has the potential to be epic and glorious before it has been told or typed or penned. They each have the same chance. My story had that chance.

But, alas, I snuffed it out. I know. Sad. In this moment, I learned something about myself. Shamefully, I am writer who, oftentimes, sabotages her own work before it has a chance to take form. Why is that...Doubt? Fear? A lack of confidence?

Umm.......yep.

I finally found my subject, a treasured memory indeed, a most valuable relic in my collection; however, its contents were relayed by me in a hasty summary of key events, mixed up, jumbled. I rambled off some defining moments, threw in a few random details, felt like they didn't even make sense, and eventually rapped it up sounding about as apologetic as I possibly could for taking up so much of my friend's time, all the while thinking that I was pretty much a basket case and if I would've just said a cookie-cutter answer like "Disney World", I could've avoided this mess.

My thoughts: Doh. Why would anyone even listen to that? Wouldn't blame him if he didn't. Oh well, at least maybe we can try and change the subject to something more interesting. Unless he's just sick of this whole conversation. Again. Wouldn't blame him.

Have you ever been here before?

This is what happens when we risk showing a part of our inner self to the rest of the world. A part of who we are. In the core. It might get rejected. Yes, even by our friends. They may not even realize how deep the roots go. Not many know how strongly I feel about my writing. How my stories define me. When a person's core...his or her very being...is rejected, even on a small scale, the affects can be........well.......astronomical.

Well, you see...after the story was told, my friend did something that surprised me. He didn't reject it. Or ignore it. He graded it. Paused and thought. Said I got a 93%. First, I laughed, then I got a little angry, then I was intrigued, and then I laughed again. You think I'm kidding. I wondered what made him think to give me an A- on this little "improv" assignment. He said it was just that he didn't feel like I was able to explain things how I saw them happen. How I really felt they happened. Like using visuals. Descriptions. He was right.

So Friend...Professor...whichever you may be, I know I missed your birthday last week, and I know that this is not the most conventional way to give someone a birthday gift...but I'd like to submit my story to you again, revised and renewed, and ask for you to regrade it. Um. For your birthday. Like, that's your present..................happy birthday. And thanks. haha ok here you go.

Favorite Childhood Memory

After the big, yellow school bus pulled into the entrance of Camp Potawotami and came to rest just shy of what looked to be the main area of camp, sixty little shavers filed out one-by-one. Some tall, some short. Some freckled, some moptopped, some nice, some mean. But all of these differences were pushed aside for one thing. They had arrived. There was a unified, innate expression of silence and wide-eyed wonder. This was a big day.

Third grade was a special year that promised my classmates and me a three-day trip. Three days! What we knew: it was a faraway place that was farther than any of our other field trips to a camp that none of us could pronounce. Sleeping bags, flashlights, and most likely candy would be involved. Plus, we had three whole days with NO school!

I had never been to a camp, but already I liked it. Our teacher, Miss Lewis, a kind-hearted woman with an ever-present joy and a warm smile promised us games and snacks when we got our bags and belongings put away in our cabins. These are two of an eight-year-old's favorite things. She was good at her job.

Each day we ate breakfast and lunch in a really big hall. The food was really good. And if I remember right, they even had chocolate milk. Camp counselors would take us through trails in the woods and we learned about trees and leaves and bugs and animals. My favorite counselor was a chap named James English who had some kind of accent I had never heard and sung funny songs at the campfires every night. Turns out, I had encountered an Australian for the first time. I can still see his face as he sang to us about having 'ents down my pents!'

My mother was able to come on my trip as a chaperone. It was nice having her there. Some of my other friends' mothers weren't as nice to them as my mother was to me. I remember being grateful in those moments that she was my mom. One particular morning when I woke up, I didn't see my mom in the bunk below me. It was still very dark in the room, and most of the other girls were still sound asleep. Of the little shavers, I was the smallest and one of the shiest. I could feel my head start to ache a little as I covered up my lazy eye in search of my glasses. There they lay on the floor, out of my reach. Mom usually handed them up to me in the morning. I was afraid to go down and get them because I thought the girls would all get mad at me for making noise. At some point, there were some tears, I was sure she was gone. Grizzly, kidnapper, who knew?

Turns out my mother decided to enjoy the fresh morning air a little earlier than usual by taking out her sketch pad and doing some drawing. Poor mom. She felt pretty bad about scaring me. But it didn't ruin our trip. I'm glad she had time to do that. I loved her drawings.

The biggest highlight of my time at camp was the climbing tower. Our whole group hiked through the woods with the counselors up front. None of my friends knew where we were going. Then we saw it. A giant wooden tower, taller than any of the houses I lived by or any of our jungle gyms on the playground...it was quite possibly the tallest structure in the universe according to sixty tiny individuals that day. And it was for us to climb.

Being a lover of tree climbing, I was intrigued with the idea. But it was only after my friend Derek bravely scaled his way to the top that my awe turned into action. I HAD to try. Now...being the three foot nothing, twig of a girl that I was, I think I envisioned myself as somewhat different than what everyone else saw when I geared up for this. My long, curly, brown hair was pulled back into a pony tail that more acurately resembled a squirrel's tail...and I wore thick, brown glasses that took up half my face (my toothy grin took up the other half). Green, corduroy overalls helped to complement my fire engine red climbing helmet that reminded me of someone shoving half a gumball ontop of my head. They finished with my harness and told me to climb up, touch the top and come back down. Maybe growing up with older brothers made such a challenge fun, but I remember having a blast getting up there. I made it, one peg at a time, touched the top, flipped out just a little when I realized how high I was, then made my way down. My mother was all smiles. As was my buddy Derek. What a great feeling. The joy of climbing has been rooted in me ever since. Maybe because half-pints can do big-person things sometimes too. Fun times. Awesome trip. Great memories.

M. F. E. O.

2008-10-01T23:51:00.003-04:00

I will give a Top Gun high five to anyone who can tell me what M. F. E. O. stands for. I will give a double Top Gun high five to anyone who also knows what a Top Gun high five is. And anyone who can withstand the double Top Gun high five.......um........gets a gold star!

One day at Target...

She browses the office supplies aisle wondering if there are any good journals out there calling her name. It has come to her attention that her current journal is filling up rapidly and will soon run itself right out of blank pages. To allow this dreadful act to occur would be in and of itself a tragedy. No place to record her thoughts and ideas. The random stories, characters, nothing. They would remain forever trapped in her imagination. This would indeed be a crime of mammoth proportions.

To properly engross oneself into the writings and creations of his or her own mind, one must have (inspired by the words of J. Barrie in "Finding Neverland") a good binding and a respectable title. I confess, not all fledgling writers will uphold the same standards and reach the same outcome by using the same...methods. Our young lass does indeed feel it time for such a purchase but has chosen a store with a slim-to-none selection. Still, she feels the journal is there, within those four walls, waiting for her. Waiting for its final voyage to begin.

A hard cover on the top shelf catches the girl's eye. Not because it is the brightest or the nicest. Actually, it looks a little like her old journal. And quite plain. Good...but plain. It is black with a red band down the binding and of medium size. The front has the words "Black 'N Red" inscribed near the bottom in red letters. Solid title. She thinks to herself, "With enough thought and proper support on my end, a title like that could indeed become respectable." What was it that drew her to it? For some inexplicable reason, it just felt safe. Familiar. Like it really was waiting for her to finally come and take it home.

Funny thing is, she found out upon opening her newly purchased journal that it was no journal at all. Instead the heroine of our story found a simple ledger, one that is used for daily planning and financial budgeting and scheduled meetings and all that crummy, boring, uncreative office stuff. How could this be? In a short time; however, in all the situation's irony, this business ledger became perfect for our breakaway author. It needed to be freed, to be saved from the iron clutches of a cold, humorless, nine to five world. What imagined story lines of beings all shapes and sizes would leak onto the crisp, industrially white pages of this book? Indeed it is first and foremost a book. Now it has the potential to assist in the creation of other books to come. Other stories, immortalized forever on its pages.

The young girl smiled at her little, rebellious, black 'n red, in your face ledger-turned-journal. A flashback of a movie came through her mind. Meg Ryan is reading a letter from little Jonah out in Seattle. He tells her that she and his father are M. F. E. O. Just as this new writing journal and this young authoress are M. F. E. O.

Made For Each Other.

High five.

My Favorite Place to Worship

2008-09-17T00:16:00.008-04:00

There is a camp.

In a valley.

Mountains on either side.

Many miles from home.

Green grass. A river.

Trees. Creation.

West Virginia.

My heart.

It was on the far hill at the edge of camp where I grew closer to God in worship than ever before. At a campfire circle. A simple campfire. For four years I was able to make that trip and fall in love all over again. It molded who I am today. It is a cherished time and cherished place. It is The Raft Trip. And there you will find my favorite place to worship. The Campfire.

A simple hike up a hill at the closing of a day to a campfire by night became a walk of reverence, slowed by the quiet meditations of the heart. The young campers traveled up that trail together usually filled with energy and laughter from previous enjoyments of the day or simply the inexpressable freedom they felt being so far from home, so deep in the West Virginia mountains, so high up that hill, so high on life and high on God.

Step. Step. Step. The first glimpse at the fire's glow emerged through the forest. Flames lit up the fresh night sky. A hush grew over the young hikers as they drew near. Words failed them. Their hearts were doing all the talking. It was a holy hour. A holy night. They were meeting God, the God of the universe, their Creator, on that hill, at that fire.

At The Campfire, some would put aside their past failures and run, jump, skip, or collapse into the outstretched arms of the ever-present, always patient, benevolent Jesus. Some remembered making that decision at one time, realized how far they had strayed, and threw themselves back into His arms. Some took it all in...quietly...and made their decision later. In bed. At lunch. On the bus. Anywhere they finally understood. Finally met Him. Some heard but did not choose salvation. Fear, pride, or deception were causes. Ignorance was not, however. No, they heard the message, the Good News was taught. Their hearts were in God's hands for His time and purpose. And His time is perfect. And those who already believed simply took it all in with a sense of reverent awe and wonder, seeing yet again the amazing-ness of God. All this took place to the soundtrack of burning logs, crackling embers, wind-tossed tree tops, heavenly hosts singing over us, the beating hearts of a few hundred precious souls, and one man with one lone guitar administering the praises due our King from inside the circle. Voices penetrated through the miles of surrounding creation. Man and nature. Worshiping.

It is a place of reverence, of joy and tears, of forgiveness, renewal, release, freedom. True freedom.

The music breaks. Not a soul stirs. Wind blows. Smoke rises.

And the fire burns.

Rescuer

2008-09-01T15:18:00.006-04:00

Last night I had a bad dream.

Okay class, raise your hand if you have ever had a bad dream?

I suppose if you raised your hand (literally or mentally) then you may identify with me a bit here. Maybe you had one last night, too. Regardless...it is time to deal with this 'dream issue' once and for all. So, this is to all who have had nightmares. May peace find you as you rest tonight.

Why is it that we cannot control our dreams? Or can we? It seems like I am always getting mugged, chased, attacked, or something worse. I am pretty sure if I had a choice on what my dreams would be about, that would NOT be happening. I always lose and never get rescued. And it is MY mind creating the dream. All a girl WANTS is to be rescued.

So what is with that?

All this may have to do with who I am. How small in stature I am. Physically, I am tiny. Fragile. Borderline helpless. I am not trying to undervalue myself, I am simply calling a spade, a spade. I am just a precious inch or two above five feet tall, and just barely weigh in the triple digits. People tell me to avoid going outside when it is windy. ;) I make short people feel tall. Every year in school I was in the running for 'smallest kid in class'. But I like being this size. It suits me. I mean, I can put up a fight if I need to, but if it really came down to it, I would probably be in big trouble. My strength would need to not be my own. Or someone would have to come save me.

I know with God all things are possible, but I also know that if I go lurking around dark alleys every night by myself, then I am asking for trouble. I believe that God wants me to defend myself, and my best defense is to avoid dangerous areas and situations. So far, He has blessed me with safety and I praise Him for it; however, I wish I were more safe from my own mind. My own dreams. Such horrible thoughts and images. To be so fearful, to feel helpless, to not have anyone come to my rescue. I awake many a morning to such feelings. Feelings that only seconds before felt like reality. A terrifying reality.

No help.

No strength.

No rescuer.

God, these are not pleasant thoughts and I wish I could find a way to avoid or change them in my sleep. To stop having recurring nightmares. Even to have it change to good just once on my account. I would be so encouraged. God, can we find a way? You are the only one who knows my mind better than myself. Please, God, help me bring peace to my sleep. Help release me from my own mind. Be my Rescuer.

Unite

2008-08-29T00:02:00.008-04:00

Since moving down to Sarasota, I have found an amazing community of believers. The group is called Unite. It is a community of 18 to 20somethings that meets every Tuesday night. There is no church or denomination with which it is affiliated. Every week is different. We gather together, fellowship, worship, have speakers, have discussion groups, go into the city, talk to the homeless, pray together, cry together, heal others, yes for real heal others, do outreach...anything and everything. Seriously. It's amazing.

It was started in January 2008 by a couple guys who were searching for a group of believers their age. I began attending a couple weeks in. Their hearts were for the college/career age because there just isn't much out there for us as a group. Not in the church anyway. I'm not angry or trying to whine, I've just observed that college kids are sometimes...well...neglected. It is understandable that our age group is one that is constantly moving and shifting in pursuit of school and future careers, but this age is also the most critical - I believe - for our faith. It is the time when people decide what they will believe, what crowd they will get involved in, who they will turn to. For the first time, they do it themselves. Without a solid fellowship of believers around them, young adults can lose themselves in the world. It's next to impossible to do this all alone. And the church stays focused on children's, men's, women's, married couple's ministries...all good things, but...well...what about us? Aren't we the next generation to rise up in the church? What happens if we get ignored enough that we...don't show up? Does that thought terrify you?...Shouldn't it?

So these guys got together and started their own group. This was not to spite the church, please believe me, I did not mean to come across as one who is on a crusade against churches, I just wanted to bring a few things to surface while I explained the importance of Unite and how passionate I feel on this subject. The guys (the four grouped together pictured below) have burning hearts for God and only want His Will for this group. It is SOO exciting to see what God is doing and how He has lit a fire in our hearts. We are His Servants. His Church. His Beloved Bride!

The Leaders

Matt, Dave, Jared D
Jared R

Everybody has been such a blessing in my life. I have been so encouraged and uplifted by them each week. Because I am at home with grandma nearly all the time, I have greatly appreciated the time spent in the company and fellowship of some people my age down here. My Unite friends. I am able to "recharge", you might say. They will never fully know how much they helped me through what I do down here. Plus we have had so much fun!!

Playing human tic-tac-toe.

That's not me...I don't drink coffee...

Whether it's playing Rock Band, a hurricane party, Cinco de Mayo, Firehouse lunches, jamming on guitars at Siesta Beach, fighting off beach cockroaches (not pleasant!), witnessing on Main Street, praying together, playing tic-tac-toe, eating stale chips, drinking flat pop, nail-painting movie nights, every week has been a blast.

My Girls: L to R - Theresa, Emily, Dannielle, Laura, Rachel

I'd love to take this all back home with me. To share what I have had down here with the 18 to 20somethings up north who are seeking. Wishing for community. For an amazing encounter with God. Here is the heartbeat of Unite. See it truly for yourself: www.uniteblog.blogspot.com

Blessings to you all!
<3,
Laura

A Post to the Random Hearted

2008-08-07T21:40:00.005-04:00

I like to be random. Do you? "Snorkel...Albuquerque...see I can do it too." (Riley - National Treasure). Celebrate the randomness!! It's not really a habit of mine. I try to make it happen randomly. Otherwise it wouldn't be random! Please don't expect too much out of this. You'd probably end up pretty disappointed...

So here's the game. I write a bunch of random stuff, most of which I made up on a whim just to be ridiculous. These are ultimately serving no other purpose than to possibly make you laugh. I post it. You laugh. We all feel happy! Got it? Okay here we go!

If I'm not funny, you don't have to 'fake laugh' to make me feel better. I promise.

RANDOM FACTS ~ EDITION 1

August 7, 2008

Thursday

9:42 p.m.

Slightly overcast, cloudy.

40% chance of rain.

Let the randomness begin.

RANDOM FACT:

The rhinoceros beetle can carry 850 times its own weight. It's the same as a human carrying around a tank.

RANDOM QUESTION:

Do tug boats suffer from an inferiority complex?

RANDOM COMMENT:

I like oxygen.

RANDOM PHRASE:

That's the squiz.

RANDOM WORD:

Squelch

RANDOM ACT:

Tried on the craziest shoes I could find today at Target.

RANDOM THOUGHT:

Palm trees rock.

Remember this is randomness, so the only rule that applies to making it random is as follows. It can only be considered "random" if the reader responds by either asking a question (audibly or not) such as "What?" or "Huh?" or they simply state, "That was random". Any of those would qualify.

When to say it is also vital to its value of randomness. Like saying how you decided to put Oreos in your Cap'n Crunch this morning for breakfast during the credits of a movie or when a waiter takes your order. The playing field is endless really.

Let me know how it works out for you.

Grandma's Whistle

2008-07-13T00:06:00.004-04:00

I never know what I am going to write about in these blog entries when I sit down at the computer. Well, sometimes I do, but sometimes I have to literally just start typing and then about two thirds of the way down my first paragraph, I come up with an idea.

Well, my idea is just this: A clip. Just a little slice of life. A glimpse at one little moment. I guess I write those from time to time, huh? Maybe because that's really what life is made up of. To me at least. Tiny, little moments...all added up. One by one. Day by day.

Last week...

...My parents and I traveled back in my Camaro to Indiana after the annual Stoll family reunion. My aunt Gloria has agreed to watch grandma for a few weeks while I visit up north. The reunion was down in Sarasota this year because grandma was not well enough to travel to any other location. So the family came to her. I am so glad it worked out for most everyone to come. Thankfully she was well enough to be with us most every day and seemed to recognize everyone and even make a little conversation. It was a special time for grandma and a real blessing in a lot of ways. She was able to see all the familiar faces, even some new ones (like my baby nephew Caleb -her new great-grandson-).

Now...backing up even further...

Two weeks ago...

...a particularly neat moment for me happened at the beginning of the reunion when Luke, Bekah, Jamin, and baby Landon first arrived at grandma and Glen's house. Grandma and I were there to greet them. She has not been around children much at all since falling ill, and she always used to love having children around. I was hoping the same would be true for these two little visitors as well. They came into the house and the minute grandma saw Jamin (3) and little baby Landon (9 months), she got a big smile on her face and began to do her soft bird whistle, almost like a bird singing. She used to do that same whistle for all of us grandkids. To make us smile. :) Since moving down to take care of her, I haven't heard her do it. I have asked her if she remembered how to whistle like that and she always just paused, thought, and eventually shook her head saying she couldn't remember.

The minute grandma saw baby Landon, I think something inside her instinctively clicked. She just...remembered. It was neat. Seeing his bright blue eyes light up when he heard her call after him. Wide-eyed, awestruck, a little boy in wonder. Grandma's still got it.

Moments like that are kind of all that grandma has left. Her mind has been slowly shutting down. Memory is nearly gone. She knows my face, but she can't say my name. She knows I am there to help her, but she doesn't quite understand why. She went from having every family member's birthday memorized (she'd always send a card and write each of us a poem) to not even knowing her own birthday anymore. I'm sorry to end on a downer like that...but...I thought it might help anyone reading this more fully understand her current condition...so that one might see how the discovery of a long lost bird whistle is such a treasure. Deep down, she still knows how to love. How to be a grandmother. Our grandmother. It is a beautiful thing.

Can I Do This?

2008-06-20T00:19:00.016-04:00

Today is such a perfect day for a bicycle ride, I think to myself this afternoon as I begin to plan my events for this evening. Yes. It is sunny and beautiful. A bike ride has definitely got to happen. I kinda have plans tonight though. Maybe I'll just buzz over to the gas station, get something to drink, then head back. That'll work.

I reach the gas station. It is so hot out here. Definitely in need of hydration. I see people pumping gas, traffic slowing for a light at the corner, trucks parked out behind the station, someone going in the store, someone using the pay phone. A young woman. She turns. No wait, maybe she's a kid. Dark hair...she's probably my height. She turns back, this time I see the tattoo on her shoulder. A tattoo always tells a story. What is her story? I ride by on my bicycle as it catches my eye...not like I'm trying to be a stalker or anything...I just get curious. And I mean come on. Wouldn't I be such a ridiculous stalker? Who in their right mind would ever be intimidated by ME? They'd take one look at me and laugh. Ha!

Okay...sorry...getting sidetracked.

I couldn't help noticing the tattoo's design as I rode up closer. It was like the illumination of a calligrapher's manuscript, vines, black......cold. I suddenly decipher her voice as I pass by. Though her back is to me and her head is down, she is very audible. Loud. Angry. Cursing. My minds eye looks to the heavens. Why such anger? Apparently the other person on the line is her ride...and they're not here yet.

As I round the corner just out of sight, I hear the distinct slamming of a phone and a loud, exasperated sigh. Hm. I park my bike and walk by her into the gas station seeing that she is now seated on the curb staring off at traffic, resting her elbows on her knees, head propped on clenched fists. I go in and grab my drink, go to pay, the cashier doesn't look up at me or say hello. I pay and say thanks wondering if I meant it, hearing myself add, "Have a nice day", doubting whether she truly even wanted to have a nice day or not and wondering if she even heard me in the first place. I open the door and shake it off. Whatever. She can have a good day if she wants. Sheesh, how'd everybody get so grumpy?

I turn my attention to my new (and ice cold) beverage and quench my thirst before the last leg of my bike route. Florida is hot. Night and day. It's really quite something. But a good bike ride is like a breath of fresh air. It's a chance to get away...and to do some much needed exercise. So is a good 'ole Dr. Pepper. Bad for excercising, good for hot Florida afternoons. I pass the young lady on the curb and head for my bike when I realize...is...is she crying?

Then a thought enters my head that was not my own. Go get her something to drink, Laura. Ask her if she's thirsty, she's just sitting there waiting. It's like 100 degrees out here. Go ahead. This is followed by (this part was me, sadly): Nope. Not me. I don't do stuff like this. I hear about people doing nice, random things, but...see...those people know what they're doing. I'd just mess it up. Nope, she'll just get mad. I'll say something dumb. I don't even know her! No! This is a bad idea, I'm just going to get on my bike and go home. But while these thoughts roll through my head, I know...I JUST know, this is something God wants me to do. I cringe. He wants someone to talk to her. To acknowledge her. To break the mold. To not become just another indifferent grump. To actually be nice to someone even if they could just throw it back in my face.

I felt like it was this Tuesday night all over again, and I was back on Main Street with Sara and Rachel looking for people to talk to about God. It felt so...unnatural. So unsafe. So risky. People are just going to get mad. I'll just mess it up and look dumb. What if they think badly about me? What if I turn them off from God completely!?! I...I...I don't know if I can do this. God feels so far from me in those moments. I think that's because I know that my faith is being tested and so it takes 100% commitment from me, no matter what I'm feeling at the time. So I just go for it. I turn back towards the station and walk up behind her, my feet feeling like lead. "Um...pardon me...miss?" She probably barely hears me, but she turns and looks up as I try to decide what to say next. Her eyes are red and her brow is furrowed...she is still angry. Okay, well... "I, well, see...I saw that you were sitting here waiting and just thought maybe I could go in and buy you something cold to drink...you know...while you wait...if you want." Laura, are you doing any of this right? She shakes away a bit of her emotion...and looks down at the pavement saying that she'll pass but thanks anyway. Seems she was pretty deep in her thoughts, but her voice has softened. I ask again saying it's no trouble. She gives a bit of a smile, expresses her gratitude and assures me that she's okay. So I bid her farewell and wish her a good day...hoping she...well...at least that she heard me. I get back on my bike and head out. Not how I thought it would end. Many thoughts go through my head. A slight tinge of disappointment. Why couldn't I have just blessed her, God? I did it wrong, didn't I? I didn't ask her enough times...or perhaps I should have just bought something and given it to her...or just given her a couple bucks...no then she probably would've gotten offended or something. Great.

My thoughts settle on one central thought: God is taking care of the rest. I just keep hearing that. I talked to her and showed kindness, God will take care of the rest. Peace begins to wash over me. I sigh. Oh God, please do help her. Then...He's back. God no longer feels distant to me. He is right back by my side, like a coach after a relay race running right along with me at the sidelines, cheering me on the whole way. Now I see him approaching, proud and smiling. One hand is holding a good 'ole victory Dr. Pepper for me and the other is held up for a big high five. I'm walking to him, then running, I jump up and slap him five and yell out "Woooo! What a rush! Man, I didn't see you back there. But you were, weren't you? What a crazy feeling!"

I continue riding down the road. Fresh Florida summer air blows in my face. I take a deep breath. Okay...okay God...we're gonna be real here for a minute, k? You and me. Alright.....I did it, and that means...that means...I can do it again. I CAN. I won't give up. I'm not out of my league. But...it's still going to be hard to do...you understand. I'll still worry and fear and question and wonder and...well yeah, more stuff. BUT I will keep trying. I will keep going. Thank you God. Thanks for all the help. I stop and take another swig of my Dr. Pepper. My eyes look to the heavens. Cheers.

What a perfect day for a bike ride.

Singing, Solitude & Service in Sarasota

2008-04-09T00:40:00.005-04:00

Boy, how about that alliteration? Are you impressed? :D

Good news!

I have been fortunate enough to become part of a worship band at church here in Sarasota. They asked me to use my piano and vocal skills. Being behind a microphone again was quite intimidating at first, but through the weeks of practice and with the encouragement from the band, I have marvelled at the strength my voice has gained. It is exciting because I have not worked on my voice very much through the years but have desired to improve. True, I had the opportunity somewhat when I was in high school musicals (The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, and Cinderella), but after graduation I figured I would just always be one of those 'okay' singers who never really did anything with her voice. But - even though I have a long way to go yet - I can at least say that the practice is helping. And I am plugging in and get involved at church. Double whammy.

Is that how you spell "whammy"?...

It has been nice to have an outlet down here when I am not taking care of grandma. Some days, I don't mind being alone in the evenings, but it is nice to be around people my own age, too. Not just that, but great people who love to have a good time while striving to do God's will. And who like me! It is a great combination. I appreciate how much effort they have put into including me.

My 2nd cousin Pam and her family went back up to Michigan last week and Uncle Ron & Aunt Joy will be going back in a few days. So I will not have as many people to be around or things to do as before. I am so thankful for all they included me in and for helping me adjust when I first moved down here. Perhaps if I would not have found a group of friends my age yet, I may have grown to be very lonely down here and would've probably become out of spirits.

Having friends around and things to do and places to visit and adventures to live is helping me to take better care of grandma. Ultimately, it is a way for me to fuel up and recharge after a full week so that I can start over refreshed and ready for another week with her. It can be a lot sometimes. But things are going well. Grandma is very patient with me and I am learning what it means to be a servant. I enjoy planning little surprises for her when I can. Like buying her a new plant or taking her for walks at Island Park or having lunch out in the lanai (screened in 'florida room' at the back of the house). Just little things like that. I hope she can enjoy them.

Please don't take me for being grandma's perfect caretaker, I still have many moments where I look around and ask myself, "Laura, do you even have a clue what you're doing?" Many times my answer is "No".

It's true.

I think grandma is growing a bit more out of spirits lately. She seems quieter these days and doesn't engage in much conversation. Healthwise she is very much the same as she has been. That is the important thing. She has even gained strength physically. It is not hard for me to get up in the morning and take care of her, but sometimes it is hard to be positive for her and to show her that I'm happy. If I'm sad, she sees it. And sometimes being with her makes me feel sad. I just wish she wouldn't have to see that. But in learning to be a servant one also learns the meaning of perseverance, endurance, dependence upon God, etc. These are valuable life skills and I am grateful for the continuing opportunities down here to learn them.

In a few days, I will visit Adam, Hadassah, Baby Stoll, mom, and Hadassah's sisters Jerusha and Sarah. This will be in Pensacola. Hopefully, I will be able to drive the 8 hours safely. Hadassah is so ready to have her baby born. It will be only a few weeks yet. I am so very excited to see them!! Also, I may be able to see my dear friend Kristin in Alabama while I'm there. We have become friends over the past year after we met at Rosedale and I would greatly enjoying seeing her again.

...Till next time.

To God be the Glory!

Carlos

2008-03-26T23:27:00.008-04:00

I went to the homeless shelter tonight. Some friends got together from Bethel and wanted to serve food to the homeless. This was something I had always wanted to do but never had. Well tonight, it finally happened. I'm glad for that.

We had the meal outside of the shelter (the weather was beautiful). Burgers, chips, cookies, and refreshments. A real picnic. It was like a tailgate party...downtown. I think about 10 of us were there serving and around 100 people came to eat. I had the best job of all. I got to hand out cookies! Honestly, who doesn't like getting a cookie??

By the time I was done passing out food, everyone was eating so I didn't really get much chance to talk to any of the homeless people. I looked each one of them in the eyes as I gave them their food and thought, "What's your story? Where are you from? What have you been through?" It was very humbling. I just wanted to sit down with each one of them and listen. Listen forever. I overheard some of them talking about jobs they had lost, and I noticed many of them were with family. A daughter and a mother, a husband and wife, brother and sister, etc. But they all had the wear and tear of suffering on their faces.

Sadness.

One man in particular happened to be standing near me. He was quietly eating, keeping to himself. Just as he stepped forward, perhaps to leave, he turned to me. I don't think in all the hussle and bussle that I had even seen him standing there before. I saw in him age and loneliness...but the kind of loneliness that you're used to and it's like you finally just...accept it...and walk on. He was around sixty and looked like he probably at one time stood quite tall. His eyes caught mine and he said, "If I tell you my name, will you pray for me tonight?" I think my breath caught in my chest for a second, but I quickly said, "Sure". He paused for moment, thought, then just added, "Well...I'm Carlos." Then he turned and walked away.

I will pray for you tonight, Carlos.

I am praying for you right now.

I hope wherever you are that you do know that.

I heard you.

As did God.

He will always hear you...

Free Advice

2008-03-18T23:06:00.004-04:00

Here is some free advice. When you have been away for a number of days - like I was this weekend visiting Aaron & Casey - and you make breakfast the first morning you get back...check the milk.

You think I'm kidding.

This morning, I made hot cereal for grandma, Glen, and myself. I put some in my bowl, added raisins, sweetener, poured on milk, and was all set to take my first bite until I realized...the milk was chunky. My heart sunk. Curdled milk. When did that happen??? A perfectly good bowl of hot cereal. Ruined. Boo.

Maybe it was just because I had been away for a while or something, but I was actually really looking forward to that bowl of 7 grain cereal this particular morning. Hopes...dashed on the rocks...

All was not lost though. Glen gave me his untouched bowl of hot cereal with all the fixins' (and no milk yet) so that I could pour the new...non-spoiled...milk onto my cereal. He said he would just pour himself some cold cereal and that way everything worked out. Besides my feeling embarrassed, my morning was saved. Thanks Glen!

Seriously, who pours lumpy milk on their cereal? I mean, I knew I was tired and all...

So please, PLEASE learn from my mistake. You don't want to learn the hard way.

Go ahead and say it. I know you're thinking it. Laura, could you be more of a goof?

As the great Brian Regan would say, "I submit that I canNOT!" ;D

Hello. Goodbye.

2008-03-12T22:27:00.007-04:00

I said goodbye today,
never having said hello.

How can I feel like I know someone so well,
when they are someone I never met?

To see this side of life,
the end thereof,
stirs the depths of my soul.

It is agitation...

It is change...

It is uncomfortable.

I am without understanding.
This thing called hurt,
how could I ever comprehend it?

I woke up...

Now I'm cold.

It's just a glimpse,
no...not even a glimpse,
of what the rest have endured.

I was wrong when I said I knew what empathy was...

Very wrong.

No words can describe it.

Experience is starting to...

~~~~*~~~~*~~~~

Take good care of your angel up there, God.
This humbled and silent servant of yours down here,
has seen how much one life can be loved,
and is honored to have been a witness.

Let her heavenly, eternal, and resonating joy...
find its way deep into the hearts of those she loved.

...the ones left behind to remember...and live on.

Use this to teach the rest of us...to teach us understanding. Uncomfortable, agitated, humbling, cold, DESPERATE understanding.

As only you can Lord.

Amen.

~Dedicated to Lisa Kreider (6.30.86 - 3.12.07) who was tragically killed by a drunk driver one year ago today. I can speak for her family when I say, she is missed...dearly.

Lisa, I know we never met, but in a weird way I've been walking in your shoes for the past few weeks or so...being with your family and friends, reminding them of you...just a bunch of little things. I didn't mean to, it sort of just happened that way, I guess. I tell you, I have been awakened. It hurt inside because it was uncomfortable and I am still nursing my wounds, but they were righteously given and will make me a better person so I praise God for it. I just wanted you to know. Someday, we will get to meet. There will be no more pain. Only joy. Deeply rooted, God-given, smile til your face hurts, laugh your heart out joy.~

Sunshine

2007-12-30T23:35:00.000-05:00

I am moving to Florida on January 3rd, 2008.

Four days from now.

It came up at Thanksgiving. My grandmother was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer earlier this year. She has been in the hospice since then but will finally be moved back home soon so that she can be at peace. The family knew that she would need someone to move in with her to take care of her and help out with the house so my dad asked me. No one was really available except me so it kind of just fit. She cannot get around very much anymore and struggles with her motor skills because of the tumors on her spinal cord and brain. We just want her to be comfortable and believe this is one way we can do that for her.

I accepted on Thanksgiving Day and put in my two weeks notice at the bank shortly after. I'm now done there and have said almost all my goodbyes. It's so hard! It grieves me to leave but I still feel a peace. God has granted me the peace to go through with this and I continue to ask for it. It's not going to be easy.

So if you think of it, say a little prayer for me. I am nervous...excited...sad...eager...and a whole jumble of other emotions. I just want to do this thing right. Grandma deserves the best because she has been pretty awesome in my life. She loves the Lord and is going to be pain free and in His presence when she goes home to be with Him. We will miss her dearly but rejoice that she chose to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And we will see her again!

I'll be sure to send a little sunshine your way.

:)

Blessings!

My Calculus Teacher Would Be Proud

2007-10-30T10:32:00.000-04:00

Mortgage Humor

2007-09-28T16:13:00.000-04:00

For those of you who may not know, I still work at the bank but now I work at the bank's mortgage center. This world is very different than the teller world. Here we don't deal with cash but people come in, sign papers, and leave with a whole house in their name.

The reason I decided to tag these funny clips on this entry was because in coming here two months ago, I didn't know diddly about mortgages. It didn't take long for me to learn that it was going to take me a long time to learn...

People here use a whole different language. I get a kick out of hearing them use it when they're all hanging out in the front lobby by my desk talking business. Everything is abbreviated. When I heard someone saying things to me like ARM and VOE for the first time, I really knew I was in for it. But slowly the tides have started to turn (emphasis on the "slowly" bit) and I am retaining some of the knowledge my co-workers have of this business. It is pretty interesting stuff and even humorous at times as you can see by the pictures on here. Mortgage humor. A little slice of my world. haha

A New Kid in Town

2007-09-19T09:53:00.000-04:00

On Monday morning, September 17, 2007

my sister-in-law Bekah went into labor

and had her second child, a little boy.

They named him Landon Josiah. Jamin is a big brother.

And I have a feeling he is going to love it.

Since he is only two,

it may take him a while to truly get used to the idea

of mommy having another "special little guy",

but brothers are brothers.

They will have a bond unlike anything else in a short time.

Landon weighed 7 lbs and 7 oz and was 20.5 in long.

Both he and Bekah are doing great.

We are all very excited about this new addition to the family

and are very happy for Luke, Bekah, Jamin,

and baby Landon!

From My Heart

2007-08-29T19:11:00.001-04:00

I wept yesterday.

I'd like to share it with you. To share my heart with you. Seek the Lord in my words, let Him speak to you. I know it is finally time to tell you this. Whoever you are. These are the words of a broken heart that Christ has scooped up in His arms, loved, and healed with His hope and grace. This is no movie. It's real life. It just so happens to be mine. But this story is not really about me. Keep looking heavenward. I'd like to share it with you, if I may.

It was nearly a year since that day...

and that last phone call...

until I saw him again.

Not a word was said in between that time. Not one. And then there we were, at the same time and the same place. One year later. What now? God didn't You and I work through this already? Then why am I struggling for breath and feeling faint?

Leading up to the day of Jared and Sarah's wedding, I had been praying about the time I would spend there at the campground in PA and the friends I would see hoping that my focus would not be entirely on the petrified feeling I had deep down that I might see Justin there.

Part of me really wanted to see him.
I had to see if he was alright.
I had been dying to know for a year if he was okay, if he was living his life just as he had wanted. And what God had been doing in his life.

This could be my chance.

But another part of me remembered all the prayers, just wishing for a way to mend my heart when it ended. Besides, what would I say to him if he was at the wedding? What would you say? I just had this gut wrenching feeling that it would be awkward.

But then it needed to be awkward. It wasn't meant to be normal anymore. The honest thing to do was to just let it be awkward and to just press on through.

Then, the day of the wedding came, and there he was. I've never gone through so many different emotions at once. He looked the same! I knew that he was hurt when I last saw him. Helpless as it made me feel, I knew that I couldn't do anything about that. He was not the type to hold a grudge. So what would it be like? Would we shoot the breeze like old friends? Were we ever "friends"? Yes. Yes, we were friends. There are many happy memories that I had with him. I'll always have those. Through it all, he is a great person and loves the Lord. God will bless him and walk him through the path He has laid out for him.

It was good to see him again.

So today I feel it time to try and express my heart in a way that is open and surrendered before a cloud of reading witnesses. Before you. And who knows? Justin could be reading this right now. I pray that if he is, he will see God through these words and not me. For God will see him through it all. God saw me through. These were the words my heart cried out through my year of silence. My year of healing. The Lord used these words, these songs, to minister to me. Let me share them with you:

"And even though I'm walking
through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me."

~Mark Schultz~
"He Will Carry Me"

"And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me"

~Michael Buble~
"Home"

"And I can see that my hands are trembling, I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning, but I will overcome
And I know that my heart is hurting, And I know that my soul it aches
And I know that it seems I'm failing, but I will overcome"

"God listen to me shout, I'm so far from anywhere and I'm calling out

Lead me, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You're my breath, You're my breath, You're my very life
Infinite, Holy King meets weak and frail Christ in me
And I will overcome not by my strength but by Your grace and love"

~Charlie Hall~

"I Will Overcome"

In closing, I would just like to share one last thing. An unexpected angel blessed my life recently. This person came along side me and helped to bring healing in a time of need. It truly blessed me. More than she knows. Her name is Kristin and I am thankful for her friendship. Those near to you can be a powerful blessing in your life. I pray that you will have angels in your life who will come along side and guide you.

Thank you for your help, my friend.

In Honor of the Fallen Lightning Bugs

2007-07-07T00:18:00.000-04:00

Startled. That's right. After what I have just been through, I'm scarred for life.

**Please note that this particular blog entry is NOT for the weak-stomached and any and all "Bug Rights Activists" or anything of the like. Just warning you...**

A typical day: You get in your car, drive along, notice the next time you fuel up that there are some bugs on your windshield. You clean them off. Life goes on.

Right?

I mean, it's not like you really notice every time a bug hits the windshield and, pardon the crudeness, dies a violent and rather gruesome death right before your eyes. It's just not all that noticable.

Now, let's say you're about an hour and a half away (like I was 2 hours ago) driving 70 mph on 69S coming home with my mom from my cousin Tonya's wedding. It happens to be a mid-summer evening just when the lightning bugs all start to come out. And let's just say they decided they were going to leave the fields they were buzzing around in and all fly down into the highway. Do you see where this is going, yet? There is nothing more disturbing than to be driving along at night and to see a neon bug splash on your windshield only to watch in horror as the bright light which lit up so many times before was now slowly dimming -once again, right before your eyes- until the little light went out. SMACK! There goes another one...SMACK!...SMACK!! Bright lights! "I can't take this anymore!!!" (yes I really did say that at one point)

So do you see how disturbing this all was for me now? It's pretty much the grossest, most traumatic thing I have ever been a part of. Mom offered to drive...between laughs...and I was almost half tempted to pull over and let her.

To conclude this little rant of insanity I have come to the conclusion that my deep sensitivity to the well being of these helpless little lightning bugs derives back to my childhood. All of us kids in our ignorance would catch a bunch of lightning bugs and decide to use them as markers on our hands and create little smiley faces and stars. I know, we were evil, murderous, little children but honestly we didn't know the difference and now since I've known the truth I don't believe I've ever been able to fully recover nor forgive myself for this black cloud looming over my past. Confession is the road to healing they say...but, eh...who am I kidding? Anybody who knows me would agree that I'll probably always flip out when I see a lightning bug lose it on the windshield no matter what kind of counseling I take to get over this...this...whatever this thing is.

Un Almuerzo de Domingo Tarde con Los Tobos

2007-06-25T14:44:00.000-04:00

A Sunday Afternoon Lunch with the Tobos

Yesterday, I had the privilege of spending my Sunday afternoon with a wonderful Spanish-speaking, Colombian family that I know from church. It was kind of a first-time thing for me so I was a little nervous. Lily and Jorge Tobo know my love for language and through the years have come along side me and helped me here and there so that I could continue learning Spanish. I am friends with their three daughters Helen, Cindy, and Kathy who all speak it as well and I have really enjoyed getting to know the family as a whole. I told Lily that my recent problem is never being able to sit down and listen to everyday conversations in Spanish. She agreed and said the I will not learn without practice. But it can be difficult to find the means of practicing for me. It is one thing to watch a tv program or movie in Spanish but you can't ask a movie to slow down or explain the meaning of something it just said. And it won't tell you if you're saying something right or not back.

So the Tobos invited me over to have lunch with them so that I could practice my Spanish. First of all, how cool is that? They are such a cool family! They all have a pretty good handle on English so it was easier for me when it was hard to come up with a word because they were more than willing to help in English when I needed it. I could tell it meant a lot to them that I had such a strong interest in their language and culture. In many ways, that makes it all the more fun. And even easier in other ways. What I mean is it's like they are rooting for you. I know it's a cliche but it's a whole lot easier to work together when you're all rooting for the same team. Know what I mean? It's a pretty cool deal and a God-honoring way to live life with one another, I have learned.

Well, time seemed to fly by and before I knew it I was down to the last hour before Ncounter which started at 7:00pm! We all were lost in conversation, I guess. Good thing, huh? :)

There's just nothing quite like an experience like this. Have you ever just for fun played a movie in another language? It gets pretty frustrating after a while, doesn't it? Imagine studying that language for some time and then coming back to the movie and trying that again? It's better but I think your head hurts even more because you are trying to translate the language with more knowledge of it prior. But you know that you are learning. You have evidence no matter how much of it sounded like jibberish. You are LEARNING! Isn't that so exciting???

A few weeks ago I finished tutoring Maria's children Efrain and Rosaura. I miss them dearly and am blessed to have had the opportunity to share some time and live some life along side them. Most of all, I hope I was of some help. It was hard not to get frustrated with myself when I knew what I wanted to say but didn't know how to. None of them spoke English and I barely could get out what I needed to say in Spanish. But, we had our moments, persevered, and survived and hopefully they took away a better understanding of the education they have just so recently began receiving this year. I really hope they can flourish where God has planted them. And that Maria and Santiago will turn their hearts toward God.

For their sakes and for the children...

Oh, Lord please shine down on that family and help them see You. I pray that even if things get tougher in the days ahead, please help them to see that all they need is You. All they will ever need is You.

Help us all to remember that, God, I pray.

Amen.

iDios le bendiga!

God bless you!

Weddings

2007-06-20T19:00:00.000-04:00

Well as of 7:00pm yesterday, my last and final sibling got married. It's all even now: three brothers and three brand new sisters. Well, okay, they've all kind of been around for a while, but this is me thinking of my childhood days when I dreamt of what it would be like to have sisters. No more waiting. I'm good to go now.

And I'm happy.

Luke & Rebekah Stoll - July 19, 2003

Adam & Hadassah Stoll - May 26, 2007

Aaron & Casey Stoll - June 19, 2007

And...me, you ask?...

Well...

...

...in God's own time.

:)

So anyways that's the fun and exciting news in my life. It has been non stop wedding fever lately and it's not over yet! My cousins Tonya and Wendie have theirs three days apart in July and then Jared and Sarah (friends from Rosedale) are getting married in Pennsylvania in August.

I Ate a Can of Frosting Tonight

2007-05-07T00:50:00.002-04:00

Not one of my brighter ideas...

Okay so I was at bible study tonight and someone brought a bunch of hoho's and nutter butters and oatmeal cream pies for everyone and for some ODD reason they brought ME an entire can of frosting...just me!! Umm...actually it is because they know me well enough by now to know that I have a history of snitching frosting right from the can. Hmm...strange? Yes.

Well, I've never eaten a whole can just in one sitting or anything though. It's always been a little here and a little there. You know, just when I have a sweet tooth. That kind of changed tonight.

The problem is that Dave, the leader of ncounter, has the same...um...condition as me? He eats frosting right from the can too. So he was all like, "Hey, Laura, if I help you I think you could get this whole can eaten tonight!!" And what do you think I did?

I ate the whole can of frosting.

I know, I know, you don't have to say it...my stomach is saying it all to me right now...

Oh it's true that I had help, but I still consumed an ungodly amount of frosting tonight. And now it is past 1:00 in the morning, I scrubbed and scrubbed my teeth but am still sitting here wide awake wondering WHEN this sugar rush will finally where off so I can get some sleep! So my dilemma has led me here to confess my stupidity and share the continuing saga of my strange and eventful life.

*I would like to add one thing...

This group that I have now been a part of for 2 years has meant more to me than any other group I have ever been a part of. The fact that someone would go out of their way to buy me a can of frosting because they knew I liked it, and then someone else issuing the challenge of eating it all right there because they knew I'd try it, and then having everyone there help me out with turning it into pretty much just the "community pot of frosting" by the end of the evening, just because we are all comfortable like that. We learn about God but, we also learn a whole lot about each other.

I think I have a sugar hangover so I am going to end this and maybe now try to get some sleep...but at least I know that my friends will probably all have one too. Ahh...good times. College life is fun. Who says you have to drink to party? Seriously, those guys are all missing out...just a little sugar and a whole lot of insanity...

The Solution

2007-04-04T18:49:00.000-04:00

Well, it's time for an answer to my "Anniversary Riddle". Hats off to Ariel for solving it so quickly. It was pretty tricky, I thought. Good work, my friend!

In order to see the answer, click and highlight the space below:

Are you sure you're ready?...

You've made up your mind?...

Alright, take a look!!!

I guess it's not all that EEE-asy to find, but it gets EEE-asier when you read it in a different light. Where in the following passage do you see the letter "E"?

Out of the Ordinary

Study this paragraph and all
things in it. What is vitally
wrong with it? Actually, nothing
in it is wrong, but you must admit
that it is most unusual.
Don't just zip through it quickly,
but study it scrupulously. With
luck you should spot what is so
particular about it and all words
found in it. Can you say what it
is? Tax your brains and try
again. Don't miss a word or a
symbol. Is it all that difficult?

Answer? The letter "E" is nowhere to be seen!!!

Other than puzzle solving and tree climbing my life has been rather steady, easy-going, and comfortably busy. I am in the middle of sewing an apron (with assistance from my mom) and still keep up with piano as much as I can. This summer I plan on playing softball with my church. That has got me TOTALLY excited! Even though I've never played in a slow-pitch league, it should be a lot of fun to get out on the diamond again. I work a lot at the bank and have got plans, in the making, of going back to IPFW for the fall semester. We shall see.

Happy

2007-03-26T17:43:00.000-04:00

Springtime has finally come!!!

And guess what the first thing I did was?

Oh come on this is an easy one…

I CLIMBED A TREE!!!

My heart was happy. I think I shall spend a day up in a tree with an apple to munch on and a good book to read. One of these days.

As it is, here I sit on my spinning, four-wheeled stool typing away at my teller computer snacking on a small package of smarites at the bank drive up. This weather could not be any more beautiful or perfect. What a day. At least I have a large window in front of me to gaze upon its splendor. But the fresh air, the warm breeze, I am for the next one hour and thirty-five minutes, before closing, forbidden to feel or breathe in. But it is only the first day of MANY like this to come, I hope, so I will not be discouraged as I sit and wait for my turn to run out and feel that golden sunshine on my face. I know that it has only just begun.

I hope that whoever is reading this is experiencing as glorious a day as I am today.

Anniversary Post

2007-02-27T13:06:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been a whole year since I started this blog!! Can you believe it?? To celebrate, I have a riddle for you. It took me a little while to get it but it is possible, so you can do it!! Give it a try:

Out of the Ordinary

Study this paragraph and all
things in it. What is vitally
wrong with it? Actually, nothing
in it is wrong, but you must admit
that it is most unusual.
Don't just zip through it quickly,
but study it scrupulously. With
luck you should spot what is so
particular about it and all words
found in it. Can you say what it
is? Tax your brains and try
again. Don't miss a word or a
symbol. Is it all that difficult?

A Time of Thanks

2006-11-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

Here I am with just under 20 years behind me. Twenty free years given to me by God. Who knows how many more to come. And now it's that time of year when I find myself shifting my eyes up towards heaven taking time to give thanks for all that I've been given and at the same time realizing (yet again) that it really should NOT take simply a holiday to remind me to give credit where credit is due. It just seems to slip my mind in the "daily grind". This thing called life that has been given to me by God is distracting me from the very One who gave me life. I think to myself, "Oh, God knows I'm thankful." Well, thankful for what? Do I take the time to truly appreciate all that He gives me? Why don't I take more time to let Him know what all I am truly grateful for? Specifically. By name. Like being thankful for air to breathe. Or a sun to shine so bright in the sky. Or that my car started this morning. Or just the fact that I have a car!

So I thought I would take a little time to give thanks.

I am thankful for:

God

His love

Salvation

Life

My family

My friends

My dog

A good job

Great co-workers

The good times

The bad times

Spiritual "open-heart surgery"

Tears

Laughter

Jamin

Jamin's laughter

Creation

Faith

Music

Food

Suffering

Healing

Roses

Waterfalls

Big fluffy snowflakes

Bonfires and guitars

Good health

My eyesight

My abilities

My dreams

My future

My past

My mind

My heart

My day, today

Everyone who has ever helped me

Everyone who has ever taught me

Everyone who has ever smiled at me

Everyone who has ever been thankful for me

Everyone who has ever believed in me

This list came from my mind straight to the keys. I did not correct or change any of these things or where they fell in the list. It is not in order of importance or privilege, it is simply my thoughts, as they came to me, jotted down. There is so much more that could be said, but I give these words to God tonight as my offering of thanks. May there be many more to come!

God Responds

2006-10-10T23:15:00.000-04:00

God has granted me
some peace tonight
am i ever thankful
i want to share this blessing with you

after eight days
of seeking for an answer
one that would grant me
peace
the peace that passes understanding
the peace that can only come from God above
i found something

a song

or should I say it found me

God spoke to me through it
here is what he said

You Are Loved
by: Josh Groban

to listen to this song:
http://www.joshgroban.com/main_news_frame.html
at top select song and press play

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When you're heart's heavy
I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I'll be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
You are loved

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Everyone needs to be heard
You are loved

Dear Laura,

I love you.

-God

My Dog

2006-10-10T20:23:00.000-04:00

Ever feel like doing something completely new? You can't really explain it. You just know it's time. Time for a change. Some people move. Some buy something.

I bought a dog.

Her name is Shedaisy and I found her at the animal shelter in Fort Wayne where she had been picked up as a stray about a week before. She's a year old and the most amazing little companion a dog lover could ask for. She's fast, smart, calm, and obedient. She seems to be fitting in with the family just fine. :)

Broken Prayer

2006-10-02T13:07:00.000-04:00

dear God

i need your help

this is my prayer

its a little mixed up

and a little broken

but then again

so am i

so please bear with me God

make the world go away

please just let me be

i'll be fine just give me time

everything i see

everyone i meet is at peace and well

they go about their day

to and fro

just living life content with their lot

well i am not

im sad

but why

these fears of mine

have nowhere to go

and so i sigh

taking in a breath and letting it go

theres one down

a few more to go until i know

what in the world i am going to do

where i am going from here

no words

nothing

please everyone just let me take this time to catch my breath

i cant quite see the road ahead

God please help me

i cant see
i cant move
i cant think

im stuck

where do i go God

show me

help me

be there for me

i cant do this without you

A New Job

2006-09-24T00:02:00.000-04:00

Yep. It's true.

For those of you who didn't know, I was employed this summer as a sandwich artist at Subway. They actually do call us sandwich artists, isn't that cool? Except that I actually am an artist and so I always wanted my sandwiches to look nice and I'd take my time placing every vegetable and every slice of meat and cheese evenly and make perfectly spaced lines with the sauces and...yeah, let's just say a detail-oriented, artistic, perfectionist should never work fast food.

But it didn't take long until I caught on and got the hang of things. I actually quite enjoyed that part of it. The plan was to work there through the summer and then come back during my term breaks at Rosedale to pick up some more hours while at home. But the plan changed* so I decided to look for a new job, full-time if possible.

*See previous journal entry.

So I found one. I found one! It's a really good one too. I was so excited when they told me I got the job. :) It's at a bank here in town. I'll be starting off as a teller. Not full-time, at least yet. Which is fine because God answered my prayer that I would find a good job and I have. It's a start in the right direction and it's going to be useful working there full-time or not because of the experience I'm going to have with money and what to do with it and all that stuff.

Some really cool perks to working there are that I'll be working side-by-side from time to time with my brother Aaron and I'll just down the hall from my best friend Andria. There are many familiar faces in that place which is really nice. I'm so excited, it's going to be so much fun!

Training continues throughout this week and then I'm officially a bank teller. Ahhh!! I know, it's crazy!!! The stakes are higher now, it's not people's food that I'm handling, it's they're money...I don't want to mess that up. I'm praying for a miracle. ;)

A New Turn

2006-09-01T23:39:00.000-04:00

My life is crazy.

I seem to keep things just interesting enough to keep myself and everyone else guessing as to what is next. As of now, I am not returning to Rosedale Bible College this fall and am no longer pursuing a degree. At this point I don't feel like that is the direction for my life. Hmm...so what is, you may ask? Well, I don't know what the future holds, but I'm ready to work hard and do what I can to make the most out of the life that God has given me right now.

Kinda nuts, huh? It didn't really happen all at once, but the great thing is that I told God what I wanted, asked Him for a sign to see is it was what He wanted, and God showed up. He gave me an answer. He didn't have to. He said "Go ahead." He could have said no...or perhaps nothing at all. Isn't it funny how we think we deserve an answer from God the minute we ask him something? But He has a plan for us, to prosper us and not to harm us...to give us hope and a future (Jer. 29:11).

I feel very relieved and content with my decision. I know this entry is rather vague, but I'm happy and looking forward to what lies ahead. It sure is a rush grabbing life by the horns. But I have no intention of letting go any time soon.

Here comes the future...the rest of my life...ready or not...

Bring it.

Ode to Stolls: continued...

2006-08-08T23:09:00.000-04:00

To the greatest parents ever...that might be an understatement.

This entry was very difficult for me to write knowing how much it would take to give them the full appreciation they deserve, until I realized such a feat is impossible for no one dedication, such as this, could ever do what they've meant to me any justice.

But I'll give it a shot.

First off...

my dad.

Let's see: father, pastor, leader, counselor, role model, hero, teacher, friend, supporter, fan, encourager, inspiration, advisor, problem-fixer, defender, protector, jokster, servant, coach, mentor...wow the list could go on.

My connection with my dad is very special and always has been from the start. I was daddy's little girl. I had a reserved spot on his lap to be used whenever I saw fit. Somehow I just naturally fit in his arms no matter how big I got.

I remember one very important event in our lives together. When I was six or seven, one of my favorite hobbies was climbing trees. One day I was climbing up our old apple tree in the front lawn. I always felt so brave for being able to climb all the way up that tree on my own. That day, I decided to climb out onto a branch I had never climbed before. I knew my brothers were too big so that meant I was the only one in the family who would ever climb this part of the tree. So much for pride. For no sooner had I climbed out there then I realized the minute I turned my head that all my long hair had gotten tangled in the branches! Try as I might, I couldn't move an inch. That meant I couldn't get down. I have never experienced such a wave of terror in my life. I froze with fright and started panicking. Looking down, I could see how high up I was and as tears welled in my eyes and cried out, "Daddy!! Daddy, come help me!!" I had no idea where he was or if he could hear me, but I just kept yelling for him over and over. Well, you may not believe me, but I'm telling you it was just like in the movies. Like Superman my dad appeared out of nowhere, eyes fixed on me, running. Fast. I could see his face through my tears as if to say, "I'm coming, sweetheart. Just hold on." It took him all of three steps up that ole' apple tree to get to the little branch that I was pinned to. Like magic, he untangled my hair and he scooped me up in his arms and brought me safely to the ground.

Isn't he somethin'?

Next is my mom.

Hmm...a mother, pastor's wife, house cleaner, artist, dreamer, cook, maid, semestress, hostess, listener, tutor, secretary, dishwasher, clothes washer, floor scrubber, house planner, gardener, support-giver, marksman, turbo car driver...again the list can go on.

What's to be said? My mom is amazing. I can tell her anything and she listen. I mean really listen, you know? All of my life I've wanted to be her, and I think I always will. I have had the pleasure of following in her footsteps (and stumbling along the way I might add) as an artist. She has done nothing but encourage me to chase after my dreams no matter how unreachable they seem.

After being blessed with three boys, my parents made the decision not to have anymore children. They had a full house and plenty to keep themselves busy. This was it. The completed Stoll family.

Or so my mom thought. But something stirred inside of her one day as she gazed upon her family at the dinner table. There among the five chairs being used by herself, her husband, and her three young boys sat a sixth chair off on its own. Empty. God laid something on her heart and she knew right at that moment what it was. "Someone's missing," she said.

So my parents prayed about it and decided to have a fourth child. After the better part of a year (9 months to be exact), on a cold and rainy January day, my mom went to the hospital in labor. Within a matter of hours, she had me. When the doctor told her, "You have a baby girl, Sarah," tears filled her eyes as she smiled. Her family was now complete.

Thanks for your intuition, mom. I'm glad I could come into the world and make you smile. I guess it's the least I could do.

Thanks, you guys, for falling for each other and getting married because then you had US! I'm sure that I speak for the boys too when I say we REALLY appreciate it. :)

Love ya.

Ode to Stolls

2006-06-25T15:45:00.000-04:00

I'm a really big fan of my family.

So this might take a while to say all that I want to say about them.

For good reason too.

They're pretty cool.

So can you guess which one's me? ;)

I'd like to take the next little while to tell everybody how cool they are. I'm just going to focus on my brothers for now. Sorry mom and dad. You're coming later. They don't know I'm doing this. Aren't I sneaky?

Here goes.

First off...the eldest of us youngsters:

My brother Adam.

Adam has always been an inspiration to me. He has never let himself be put into a mold or has done things just to "follow the crowd". Being 7 years older than me, I've always looked up to him as a role model. God has given him such an amazing mind to dream big and create and invent and all sorts of things. I had the pleasure of accompanying him on a trip to Europe five years ago. Who do you know that has taken his junior high little sister on a two-week journey to Europe? EUROPE!! I also got to tag along and help with the driving when he and his buddy Jared drove to California and back. And he's still not sick of me! Now that's an amazing brother. I love him to pieces. He's always there to listen and to help me out when I'm going through a hard time. Or to kidnap me in the middle of school and take me flying for my 17th birthday.

See? Can you tell I wanna be just like him?

Next we have...

My brother Luke.

This guy I am proud to say is related to me. That's right. I always bragged about being his little sister to all of my friends. As far as talent and skill in athleticism and, well, pretty much any form of physical activity Luke tops the list. He is one of the hardest working individuals I have ever met. Plus, he has always been a major leaguer to me. Through the years he played baseball as his main sport (although he could've played any sport he wanted and would have excelled at it). I always wanted to be cool like my big brother so I started playing softball as soon as I was old enough.

If that doesn't convince you that Luke's amazing, he went and found the most amazing girl to spend the rest of his life with, too. Bekah is the first sister I've had in my life. She has taught me sooo much. She probably doesn't even realize. I owe a lot to her.

Last, but certainly not least:

My brother Aaron.

He's the funny one. No matter how I'm feeling, Aaron always manages to bring a smile to my face. I think it may have something to do with us being related...or just living in the same house for so many years...but we seem to have an innate ability to remember the same things. Funny thing is, it's usually completely useless information about movies. We would play this game where one person would choose an actor and the other would have to name every movie they could possibly think of that he or she was in. Other games on a similar theme occurred regularly. I appreciate those times. It seems like he and I are a lot alike with regards to what we like and how we view things. Just as Adam got me to enjoy travelling and Luke got me to enjoy sports, Aaron got me interested in acting. Can you tell he's a character or what?

Aaron is so much fun to have as a brother. I am really proud of him. It has been nice being only 3 years apart because we have gone through many things together at similar times. I will always appreciate him for the way he treated me my freshman year of high school. He was a senior and had a lot of friends. Not because he was "popular" from putting on a front or being the pretty boy or dating all the cheerleaders, but rather because he was "popular" simply because he was who he was. Because he was so genuine, he was cool. Like good cool, you know? He even got voted as homecoming king that year. His friends liked him because he was himself around them. And he let me tag along and hang out with them. I got to go with him to their houses and he didn't mind a bit. I felt so cool. Little 15-year-old me hanging out with the seniors. Again I ask, what big brother does that for his little sis?

Okay, so I know this entry is about 3 miles long, but this is end, I promise. And mom and dad, I believe you have an anniversary coming up in the not-to-distant future. So you might want to check back here around then.

Thanks you guys for being such a great family. Aren't I so sappy sometimes? haha, oh well.

I love you!

CoCoholic

2006-06-15T23:43:00.000-04:00

"CoCo Wheats, CoCo Wheats can't be beat,
They're the creamy hot cereal with the cocoa treat.
To be big and strong, have lots of fun,
Eat CoCo Wheats everyone!"
(Actual jingle - written on box)

My life has been shaped by the 76-year-old hot cereal known as CoCo Wheats. You may have never heard of it, but because of the impact it has had on my life...it's time for me to pay tribute.

A Tribute to CoCo Wheats

Well, to start with you'll need to know a little history. It was first born in 1930 by a company called Little Crow Foods. I decided to look into the history of this scrumptious and delightful snack of mine and what did I find? None other than the great state of Indiana is home to Little Crow Foods. Warsaw, Indiana, to be exact. Isn't that crazy? They've been right down the road from us all this time! Plus, the company is over 100 years old!

If you've never tasted the yummy goodness of Coco Wheats, I would love to make you a bowl sometime. I'm having one right now actually. It's a good midnight snack. I've done it since I was a kid. My dad grew up eating it too, so I guess it seemed fitting to follow in his footsteps. I've gotten the recipe down to a science to produce the thickest, lumpiest Coco Wheats possible (because the lumpier the better, of course). Just ask Adam. :)

Yeah I know I'm weird...

Hey, the offer still stands. I'll cook you up a batch. If you live in another state, as some of you do...well, I'll mail you a box I guess!

Jamin Xavier Stoll

2006-06-08T23:14:00.000-04:00

The most amazing thing is going to happen in 1 day. My nephew, Jamin Xavier Stoll, is going to turn 1 year old!!!!!!!! One WHOLE year!! I will have officially been an aunt for a year. Jamin has brought so much joy into my life and I feel so lucky to be the aunt of someone so precious. He is definitely cherished in our family. I, being the youngest, never grew up around babies so this year has been as much of a learning experience for me as it probably was for him! I canNOT believe he'll be one in a day! Where does the time go??

Well, here's to the cutest nephew in the world: Happy Birthday!! :)

"God bless the little man."

An Amazing Story

2006-06-04T23:24:00.000-04:00

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
- Psalm 23:4

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."
- Job 1:21

For those of you who haven't been following the tragic story of Laura VanRyn here in Fort Wayne, she was believed to be recovering in Parkview Hospital from a car accident that took the lives of four other Taylor University students and a professor five weeks ago. The tragedy now is that through her recovery they have discovered that it is NOT Laura who has awakened from a coma but a different girl who was believed dead at the scene. So now, the VanRyn family is experiencing a whole new wave of grief as they realize that the hope they had for their daughter's recovery is now gone.

Pastor Kelly Byrd spoke on this subject this morning at church and what he had to say of the family's faith and how they are handling the situation was very moving to me. An online blog like this one has been kept by the VanRyn family (lauravanryn.blogspot.com) ever since the accident documenting Laura's recovery. Each entry was started with scripture, even when they realized there was nothing more that could be done, but the trust that they have placed in the Lord is amazing. I was so encouraged to read their words.

Here is one entry given by the family Wednesday, May 31:

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
- Hebwrews 13:8

"What may come to us as a shock, does not shock the One who made us. We
have some hard news to share with you today. Our hearts are aching as we have
learned that the young woman we have been taking care of over the past five
weeks has not been our dear Laura, but instead a fellow Taylor student of hers,
Whitney Cerak.

"It is a sorrow and a joy for us to learn of this turn of events. For us, we will mourn
Laura's going home and will greatly miss her compassionate heart and sweetness
while knowing that she is safe and with her King forever. We rejoice with the
Ceraks, that they will have more time on this earth with their daughter, sister, and
loved one. "
-Lisa VanRyn

Hundreds of people from all over the world have read the VanRyn blog and have been moved by their story. Many of whom have never experienced or heard of this faith that they so boldy speak of. Pastor Kelly read one person's comment to the congregation this morning and it touched me so strongly that I thought would share it with you:

"I came to your blog via a newspaper's website in Sydney. The newspaper did not
mention your faith. Yet coming to this site it is the most overwhelming feature.

I wish I shared your faith. In reading through this blog it is obvious you have something
so special there and I wish I did too. I came here saddened over your terrible
circumstances and such a dreadful way to lose your daughter and troubled by the hard
time you have been through... and yet here I am, wishing I had what you have. How can
that be.

How rich you are. I hope I don't sound callous, I'm just so moved by your blog...I hope
you have the comfort, love and support you need in this hard time."
- Sleepless in Sydney

I hope that no matter what comes my way in life and what struggles I go through, that I will be a shining light for God to a lost world and that somehow my circumstances may bring people to His Kingdom. That is my prayer. I want to thank the VanRyn family for being that light on a hill. They have turned to God and everyone has seen it.

In the midst of grief, God is still glorified. What an amazing story.

Pictures and Memories

2006-05-20T20:53:00.000-04:00

My time at Rosedale is done and now my summer begins. I arrived home Friday evening and am settling into "being home" again. It's funny how the adventure seems to continue in every chapter of my life. Coming home will take a little getting used to and I do believe that I have changed in some ways (hopefully most of them for the good) so this will naturally feel different for me. And that's okay.

For the summer, I'm hoping to get a job and possibly take a summer class at IPFW with the intent of returning to Rosedale in the fall. My goal is to graduate with an associates in general studies in the spring...Lord willing. After that, who knows? We'll see what God does.

Thanks to those of you who have followed my little saga of "life at Rosedale". I'm hoping to continue this blog with more entries of the randomness that I call "my life". It has been fun to relay some of my experiences to those of you back home who took the time to read my stories. God was very good to me and blessed me with many fruitful relationships and unforgettable memories. It was amazingly difficult to say goodbye to my fellow classmates because I knew I would not see a lot of them next year and some of them I knew I wouldn't see again probably ever. "If I don't see you again, I'll see you in heaven," is what became the common phrase used in our farewells. Such good memories. That was a little tough to get through. But I wouldn't have traded that time together with them for the world.

Here are some pictures from my trip to Georgia from Rosedale back in April:

The Group

Early Retirement

2006-05-10T16:36:00.000-04:00

It seemed like such a good idea for Rosedale to put up a tetherball pole last week, but then when I went out to play with a couple of my friends, I realized very quickly how awful I was at tetherball. And how hard the ball was...

Too hard, in fact. It felt like a basketball. Sure enough, within a couple plays, I got smacked in the head twice. Ouch. Since I was still conscious and figured the game should keep going, I continued. Bad idea. My face got it this time. Mainly my nose. I felt like I'd broken it at first. But it just hurt like the dickens. (Side note: My friends and I were definitely laughing our heads off the whole time at the sight of me being continually pelted with a tetherball).

But I stopped playing.

Not that I enjoy being a quitter, but I seriously think I should go into early retirement...at least from the game of tetherball.

Against The Wind

2006-05-02T21:09:00.000-04:00

I went running today. For those of you who know me, you will realize the impact of such a statement. For those of you who don't so well...I dispise running. At least, I used to.

Today, I needed some time to just clear my head. So I went for a jog. There was quite the horrendous wind against me the whole way down the road. My goal was to get to the stop sign at the end without stopping, but the wind made it extremely challenging. EXTREMELY! I was miserable by about the quarter mile mark. It felt like I had done twice the work in half the distance. So I was struggling. But somehow, I pushed through and made it. It's something Adam taught me. He said, "Set yourself a goal and then don't stop til you reach it. Make no exceptions. And the next time, go farther." I kept hearing his voice in my head over and over. That's what kept me going.

The same is true in life. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair that the wind is against us when it seems like everyone else has it easy. But just when you turn that corner and the wind shifts and you can ease up and let it carry you, it makes life that much better.

Just some thoughts from today.

Thanks for reading.

Me

2006-04-24T13:05:00.000-04:00

DEEP THOUGHT:

Being away these past couple months has been such a surreal experince. In some ways it feels like now there are two different "me"s. Most of this difference comes from being outside the context of my family. What I mean is that back home everyone has known me as the little sister to...or the daughter of...Even established roles that I played in work, school, and church helped define me and are now gone.

That dawned on me when I noticed something about the way most people here pronounce my name. It's more nautral for most everyone to say "Lara" (like the 'a' in 'jar') instead of "Lora". That's taken a little getting used to. It's not like it bothered me at all, I found it rather interesting actually, because to my friends at Rosedale, I'm Lara. To my friends and family in Fort Wayne, I'm Lora. I may be the same person, but in some ways, the Laura that people back home know doesn't exist here. Weird, huh?

I know this is kind of a minor difference that wouldn't seem to have much significance; however, for symbolism's sake, it does clearly represent what being out here on my own is like.

It's been fun.

Friday Night

2006-04-22T10:48:00.000-04:00

Last night, I had a really fun time hanging out with some of my friends from school. After long periods of deliberation about what we could do on a Friday night (true Rosedale style), we decided to go to Bill's house -Bill's the cook-. When we got there we made homemade ice cream and played Texas Hold 'Em.

Okay, so homemade ice cream is one of the most amazing things on this earth. Plus, we had some extra brownies left over from supper...wow.

Texas Hold 'Em was fun too. It was one of the girl's first time playing so that made things slightly more interesting. Except that she kept winning. ;) We played with really nice chips and the game last for most of the evening, but I was definitely wasn't winning by the end. It didn't matter though because it was still fun.

We didn't play for money...if you were curious. I think that was kind of the point to going to Bill's house because everything else that we thought of doing that night involved money. Plus, gambling and Rosedale aren't exactly a good combination. ;)

Resurrection Cookies

2006-04-14T10:13:00.000-04:00

Some of you may have seen this before, but I was just given this recipe today and I thought it was appropriate for the Easter weekend. It's a little something that is used to instruct people about the true meaning of Easter. May it bless you as you meditate on Christ's sacrifice today and his glorious resurrection on Sunday!

RESURRECTION COOKIES

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
Ingredients:
1 cup whole pecans
3 egg whites
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. vinegar
1 pinch of salt

You need:
Mixing bowl
Wooden spoon
Bible
Zipper baggie
Waxed paper
Cookie sheet
Tape

Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested, He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. Read John 19:1-3

Let child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, He was given vinegar to drink. Read John 19:28-30

Add egg whites to the vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. Read John 10:10-11

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23:27

So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know and belong to Him. Read Psalm 34:8 and John 3:16

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 11-15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3

Fold in broken nuts. Drop by tsp onto waxed paper-covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid. Read Matt. 27:65-66

Put cookie sheet in the oven. Close the door and turn the oven OFF. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed. Read Matt. 27:65-66

Go to Bed! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. Read John 16:20 and 22

On Resurrection Morning open the oven and give everyone a cookie! Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Resurrection Day, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. Read Matt. 28:1-9

HE HAS RISEN! HALLELUJAH!

Georgia

2006-04-10T20:16:00.000-04:00

Here are some highlights of my past week:

Nine of us from Rosedale took a ten day trip to Chickamauga, Georgia to do some volunteer work at a Christian camp called Camp New Dawn.

Sorry, no pictures yet, they're coming.

All week the weather was absolutely gorgeous! We got one storm, but God spared us from anything too terrible.

Work consisted mostly of mowing, building, chopping, loading, hauling, dragging, digging, planting, painting, cleaning, fixing, burning, and just any miscellaneous jobs that Justin had for us. Justin was our work leader who lived at the camp. He had been a Rosedale student so he already knew some of the group.

All in all it was a good trip. Lots of laughs. Lots of work. But we all survived and got nice tans. :)

Oh yeah and we got to wrestle steers. More on that to come.

And I got my hand smashed hauling rocks. Mainly just 2 fingers. They're all purpley, but the swelling finally went down.

And we were supposed to eat mountain oysters, but that one fell through (yay!!).

But we did eat crawdads...

and no they didn't taste like chicken. :)

Mario Infiltrates Rosedale

2006-03-30T13:31:00.000-05:00

I still can't believe I talked myself into doing this...

So Rosedale had a talent show last week. I thought to myself, "I should just enter into it and do something goofy. I've never been in a talent show before. It'll be fun." So I signed up. The tricky part was keeping it a secret because I had something special in mind, but I wouldn't be able to go through with it if people knew before hand. Besides, everybody likes a good surprise every now and then.

The night of the talent show came. I found myself on the program sheet. I was the 2nd to the last act! Oh no! Was this a good thing or a bad thing? It meant having to be nervous for an extra two and a half hours.

I must say, the show overall was awesome! The talent here at Rosedale is amazing. People played the piano, guitar, flute, violin, recorder, sang, danced, acted, read poetry, did sign language, the list goes on and on.

One highlight was when two guys, Matt and Steve, dressed up like heavy metal rockers and rocked out on PlaySkool guitars to some heavy metal song (according to Rosedale rules of course). They had the dreadlocks and aviators going on and actually got a mosh pit going in the front of the sanctuary. It was hilarious.

So then it was my turn...

I was so nervous.

I got up there and told everyone I was doing a piano piece by Koji Kondo. To keep the illusion going, I worded it like I was doing some classical number that is influential because of its moving sounds and the genius behind the composition that creates an "atmosphere" around the listener...almost like they're in it...playing along...

My idea was to dress up like Mario and play some of the songs from the original Super Mario for Nintendo. So as I was addressing the audience, I had a bag of clothes up on stage with me and I was getting out random articles of clothing and putting them on over my clothes. I started with some over-alls to go over the pants and red shirt (note: red) I already had on. Following that were a pair of white gloves and big brown shoes. I had to borrow some from one of the guys. But he didn't know why... :) People weren't really catching on which was good, and then I whipped out my red hat and put it on with a big blue "M" tacked to the front. Last but not least I included the biggest, fuzziest, black mustache I could make.

People got it :) I was glad for that because I felt so ridiculous. hehe

So then I jumped down off the stage and said, "Without further adieu, I give you The Mario Collection. World 1." Then I played. It was fun. I don't know why I felt so nervous because it was all in fun and everyone laughed the whole time.

I took the mustache off before they took a picture of me, but here's my costume.

Aren't I such a goof?

Back At It

2006-03-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone. This is my door at Rosedale. Renee and I decorated it a couple weeks back w/ some stuff from home. I finally got a picture of me at school so I thought I'd share it with you.

Sorry about the blog being all different. I don't really know why it's doing that. If any of you know and could help me restore it back to normal, that'd be great. Tanx. :)

In other news, I had a great time coming home and seeing everyone this weekend. It was cool being around familiar faces again! People here at school are familiar too, but not...familiar familiar. Know what I mean?

This week I'm knee-deep in PAPERS! I'm nearing completion on them both, but it just takes time and effort and then some more time and some more effort and on and on and it just never seems to end!

Not true.

But that's what it feels like.

I really am enjoying the topics that I'm writing on, however. One paper is for counseling class about underage drinking. The other paper, for New Testament Survey, is about demonic influence in the New Testament.

But we all keep each other from going insane. "How is that possible?" you may ask?

Well, for instance, tonight when I went into the library, a study group had decided to take a little "break" and started getting into mischief. They brainstormed what they could do and decided to relocate a bunch of the study cubicles into the front lobby. It really didn't take too long and they worked efficiently. I watched them and within minutes, there were 6 or 7 wooden boothes neatly placed all over the lobby. It was quite impressive, I must say.

Til next time. :)

St. Patrick's Day

2006-03-18T10:52:00.000-05:00

First of all, I have a confession. I didn't wear green. Why do we need to wear green anyways? Is it because that's what lepruchans wear? But I'm not a lepruchan. We had some really good cake for supper that had green icing. That stuff was soooooooo good. I gave away the "cake" part and just savored my icing. I love icing. It's the greatest. I try not to go overboard, but every now and then...

Regardless.

Last night, five of us went to High Street again to witness to the people of Columbus. This was such an amazing time because we had many more conversations and really connected with some people much more than last Friday. It being a holiday, we encountered a lot of drunk people on the streets so that was a little discouraging.

I spoke with one guy who looked like he was probably in college and had more of an "innercity" look which at first was intimidating for me, but God gave me strength. I gave him a little paper with some info about Jesus and asked him about heaven and God and what he thought. Unfortunately just when we were getting into a deeper level of conversation his bus pulled up and he had to go. But he thanked me and apologized that he had to leave. After all the other times where people just brushed by and ignored us or flat out told us to go away, it was really nice to have someone who was polite for once. He was more polite then a lot of the "christians" we met. One man said, "You're preachin' to a choir, so don't waste your time with me. Go find someone else." He sounded offended and very put off.

Thanks for the brotherly encouragement, sir.

When I got back to RBC, I went into my dorm room and there were a couple girls hanging out and talking. My roommate Renee pulled out a container from her drawer and handed it to me. All the girls were trying to hold back their laughter. I wondered what on earth was inside. When I looked inside I burst out laughing.

She had been in the kitchen talking with the cook (Bill) and she saw that there was a tub in his hand that he was about to throw away. When she looked inside, she saw that it was full of all the left over green icing from making the cake! Since Bill was just going to pitch it, she thought she would at least put it to good use and give it to her roommate who loooooooves icing. :)

Isn't my roommate the best? I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with all that icing, but I'm going to try and be good and only take a little bit here and there. We'll see.

I like St. Patrick's Day.

Rain, Wind, Snow

2006-03-15T14:32:00.000-05:00

You may have thought I was going to write some long and ellaborate entry about how rain, wind, and snow represent the trials in our lives and what that has meant to me. There's really no underlying spiritual depth to this one.

I just thought I'd write about the weather.

(As much as I wish, these aren't actual pictures of what happened -

I just thought they looked cool.)

Earlier this week, it rained and rained. This caused a lot of flooding. However, the next day it was quite warm so a bunch of my crazy friends went "puddle jumping". This was a more advanced style seeings how the puddles were at least knee deep and spanned from one end of the property to the next. So they had a good time.

Did I go with them? Nope. Even better. I got to eat out with my brother Adam and my best friend Andria who came out to visit me this past weekend. That really blessed me. They're my very first visitors! :)

Soon after the rain storm came a wind storm. It was like everybody (myself included) had a different hairstyle every time they came in from outside. The wind howled so loudly that it was difficult to hear the lectures. This lasted for a few days; however, it wasn't really that awful. Maybe just a little inconvenient. Especially for the girls when they tried to hang their laundry on the line to dry. Wow. Their poor clothes.

Finally, sometime in the middle of last night, a gigantic snow cloud upchucked all over Rosedale and I woke up to the sight of snow all over the ground. Not to mention ice too.

Now, you see, I'm not trying to complain or anything, because actually I enjoy diversity in the weather. It keeps things interesting. But all this happened within a week's time! My head is swimming, it's just too much for me! I'm just waiting to see a hurricane hit here tomorrow followed by an earthquake over the weekend.

And I thought Indiana's weather was "moody"...

Evangelizing on High Street

2006-03-11T10:39:00.000-05:00

Friday night. Downtown Columbus. For those of you who don't know, Columbus is the home of Ohio State University. Eight of us from Rosedale drove to Columbus last night and did some street evangelism for a couple hours. We volunteered, but it was still tough.

On the way there, we read Scripture and prayed. Jesus' Sermon on the Mount talks about those who are "blessed".

"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you
and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.

Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven,
for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

-Matthew 5:10-12

Just as we finished praying, I opened my eyes and there before me was the vast cityscape of Columbus. It was dark by then and all I could do was whisper pleas in my heart. "God help me be strong." "Lord don't let me be afraid." "May Your will be done."

We went out in threes. Myself, another girl named Laura, and a guy named Sherif (from Russia) spent the next two hours treading High Street together. We had some tracks to help start conversation. All in all it was difficult. It is in those moments where it seems like God is so far away. But He was right there beside us giving us the boldness that we needed to approach people and ask them about Jesus. We got a lot of rejection and a lot of "oh, I'm already a Christian". But we kept at it. Being right next to the OSU provided a large population of college students on the streets; however, they were mostly all heading to the bars that lined High Street and didn't exactly like being interrupted. That was rather sad, really. A couple girls that I approached wouldn't let me talk to them because they said they were in a hurry. Too much of a hurry to hear about salvation. That was hard. But God is good and there is always hope. I prayed for those girls. I hope they can make time for Jesus.

I can't wait to go back. Columbus needs Jesus. I praise God that I got the chance to endure something so uncomfortable and so challenging. I didn't think I was doing very well; in fact, I was getting rather discouraged, but God told me to just keep going. Try again. So what if I fail?

Better to try and fail than never to try at all.

When Peace, Like A River

2006-03-08T16:42:00.000-05:00

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,